This is really pissing me off.

[Amethyst8]

My DH often tickles me but absolutely will not stop no matter how many times I ask him to. It becomes uncomfortable and painful and really farkin irritates me.

Tonight he did it again so I pulled his hair really hard. I had already asked him to stop about 5 times.

He told me I was a nasty piece of work with a nasty temper and it was completely unnecessary for me to have done that. There was no other way to make him stop and tbh I dont feel at all sorry. He is still not talking to me now.

Am I in the wrong?

Not a conversation so much as when he has done it made it quite clear that I dont like it, he stops for a few weeks and then does it again. It is rough, it hurts and I do not enjoy it. Have just spoke to him and asked him when he would have stopped if I had not pulled his hair and he said "Eventually".

How would he feel if you took hold of his willy and pulled it hard for a few minutes and wouldn't stop no matter how much he asked? I think this has gone beyond normal actually. If it is rough, he hurts you and he won't stop, then really it is abuse isn't it?

Don't 'make it clear you don't like it'. Tell him, now, you will not tolerate being tickled. It is not fun for you, it is unpleasant, and if he does it you will make him stop by any means you can. He obviously hasn't got the message that you hate it, so tell him now and that way, if he ever does it again, you will be able to punch him in the balls with no guilt.

He is a bully and wants to control you then makes out that it is YOU that is the nasty piece of work. he sounds like quite a frightening man, using physical force to do something that he wants even though he knows how much you htae it.

Sorry but he's a wanker, next time, because there WILL be a next time and a next one after that , knee him in the nuts..

There have been quite a few threads about this very thing, wierd, unwelcome, borderline abusive tickling.

It's odd.

I always think it must be some kind of mis-directed energy; sexual or aggressive or something?

Is he an aggressive person?

He is aggressive yes. Wont go into details but he has had many fights over the years.

He has just told me that I "assaulted" him and if I had pulled someone else's hair like that I would be arrested. He said I had a nasty cold look on my face when I did it and he can t believe that I am not sorry. I really am not sorry tbh and I can t bring myself to say I am. I asked him at least five times to please stop, I even had time to say "its been a really rough day for me" I am feeling fragile, please stop" and he just carried on. I did not have a cold look on my face because I wasnt feeling cold about pulling his hair, I was feeling desperate to stop him.

Thanks for your posts. I have cried with frustration tonight because he is being so nasty and cold about this and I just can t bring myself to agree that I was in the wrong with this.

Ask him what you have to do to stop him "tickling" you when he plainly ignores your demands that he stops? And why does pulling his hair make you a nasty piece of work when him persistently hurting you despite your demands to stop don't make him one?

What you did was self defence. Yes - it was. Okay, no-one ever died from being tickled but pulling his hair was the only way you had of getting him to stop doing something you didn't want him to do. There is no way you would have pulled his hair otherwise.

He's being so nasty now because you dared to stand up to him. You took some of his power away and for a moment, you, not him, had the upper hand. He obviously doesn't like that so belittles you and makes out you were in the wrong.

This really doesn't sound healthy. "Tickling" is actually a very cunning way of "showing who's boss" because, on the face of it, it sounds so innocuous and a bit of a "joke" thing to do. That doesn't matter though ...... it's the fact that he completely disregards your feelings and requests to stop which is the worrying thing. Even more so when you say he has an aggressive personality and has been involved in many fights (with you ??)

I don't want to sound melodramatic but this is like he's torturing you and taking pleasure from it (or else why wouldn't he stop when asked ?)

Agree, tell him next time he does it, you will tell him to stop ONCE, then you will punch him in the balls till he begs you to stop 5 times (whether you choose to stop then is up to you)
See how he likes it!

I hate to be "tickled" too. An ex of mine used to come up behind me and grab me and tickle me. I would really feel like punching him in the face, it really, really hurts me, and like you, he kept doing it after being told not too.

A tickle is a light touch that make you squirm. What these men like to do is totally immobilise you, almost to the point of being unable to speak, except for hearing you say "stop, stop". Nice fellas.

I don't have any suggestions to help you. You have told him you hate it, and he is turning it around that you are the cold/violent one.

Oh shit what else does he do that you don't like? What part of @NO@ does he not understand? He might ust e a bit of a mupet or he might be a bit dangerous. Actually he sounds like a rd light all the way dangerous BAD TWT FUCWKIT WOMAN HATER. To be honest. Tell him to piss off.

madamez are you cross about something perchance!?

I'm concerned. Because anyone who doesn't stop when told is a Bad Fuckwit OWman hater. Honest.

Attacking you verbally when you have stood up to him is characteristic of abusive controlling behaviour.

You are totally in the right of it. Don't lose your nerve now, sort this out. If he gets worse consider your position, as they say. Do you want to stay in a physically abusive relationship? Sorry, possibly shocking thing to say when it is "only" tickling, but it isn't, is it. Not a joke at all.

Well he just told me never to touch him in any way (even affectionately) again. If I ever tickle or touch him in a way that he doesnt like then I will get exactly the same response back from him ie hair pulling.

I do think he is angry that I hurt him and I think his pride is hurt. He absolutely will not give me an answer when I ask why it is ok for him to physically hurt me like that but NOT for me to pull his hair to get him off me. Just talks over me and tells me that I know he doesnt mean it nastily and it is just horseplay but I "MEANT" to hurt him. I have been telling him for nearly two years not to tickle me and this is the only time I have ever responded violently.

Thanks for all your great responses they are keeping me strong in dealing with this. I asked him to read this thread but he wouldnt.

Oh and because I put my arm round him affectionately this afternoon and squeezed him twice today apparently I started off all the "tickling" again.

It's a power thing, perhaps he doesn't even know it himself, but that is what it's about. If he never thought about it as a power thing, I see why he would get upset because maybe he really never meant it to upset you. But if you hate it, it has to stop.

I recently had to stop tweaking dp's nipples cos he hates it. I kind of miss doing it - why do I miss pissing him off? I don't know. I knew he hated it but he used to let ME do it - nobody else, just me. I could push him a little bit further than everyone else, I suppose and get away with it - in the first flush of our relationship. Now I'm not allowed to do it either. It aggravates him too much. I'll have to get over it, won't I? So will your dp.

That sounded curt - I didn't mean it to, was just trying to expain.

noone in my entire family tickles me. DH did it once. never did it again after being mule kicked in the balls well he was warned.......

it sounds like he's upset that you gained control of the situation. sounds like a right winker, esp if he won't answer you. winker

Don't back down - Just keep repeating that his tickling makes you feel just as he did when you pulled his hair and that you're glad you've finally managed to make your point.

My big sister used to do this to me when we were younger. This was obviously not sexual but was a way to gain physical control/bully me without just coming out and whacking me - which would obviously have been easier for me to object to and get her in trouble for.

There have been a lot of threads on tickling lately... v wierd.

These posts have really helped me to see things clearly and have used at least four of the statements I have read here during my arguments with him. I could never have been so clear about this on my own and would probably have ended up thinking that actually yes it was me in the wrong.

Funny thing is that so he would know what I was talking about I suddenly "tickled" him as roughly as he does it to me on the neck when he wasnt expecting it last night - for about one second - he lept out of the chair and said with absolute horror "what on earth are you doing to me?" Yet he still doesnt see that when he does it for minutes at a time that it is a problem. I do think there is more to it than this and I agree that he was angry and felt silly because I gained control of the situation for once.

Amethyst -
how is he reacting today? Is he talking to you? You are dealing with this very well and you must stay strong. His 'pride' has been dented and you stopped being 'helpless' (why does he like you to be helpless?) and he's not dealing with that. You must stand your ground on this and he'll get the message. Don't listen to his emotional blackmail about 'don't ever touch me again', he's just being childish.