Not sure what this thread is for or where it's going to go. Several times over the years on here I have posted about my emotionally and verbally abusive partner. All under different usernames because I didn't want dots connected and sometimes with details altered slightly because I know he was fond of the odd little scroll through AIBU. One thread almost maxxed out and had to be deleted because I panicked and thought he'd found it. DMs from people begging me to leave him with my baby in tow.
Never had the money or the mental fortitude to even consider it. Thought I was the bad cop, thought after nearly 20 years of it I must have something profoundly wrong with me. Thought there was just enough good in the relationship to keep trying and trying trying while desperately hiding my mistakes around the house for fear of repercussions, never asking for help for fear of the dismissals and the way it would be turned into an argument and criticism of him, affection on his terms only, and an attitude of "you don't know how good you have it" because of his salary, horrific name calling out of the blue if I got things wrong, dismissal of ideas or overcomplicating everything to the point where I stopped bothering, zero help with the housework , so many little things that I just didn't do anymore because it wasn't worth the hassle. Insane temper outbursts. I could go on and on and on.
Four months ago we finally called it quits. Still cohabiting and although it's stressful there's a way out now. All manner of difficult mental health problems and awful AWFUL thoughts are suddenly...less or gone entirely. I kept my job up and was able to go back full time enough to secure a small mortgage. The secret fuck off fund has come into its own.
I need a lot of therapy. There's a long term co-parenting relationship to manage and not everyone will be in the situation I'm in but I just wanted to say anonymously to those our there suffering...it really isn't you and the first step really is the hardest. I'm getting out with my kid, now 7, and for the first time in a long time I feel like I have a life to look forward to. I feel bad for staying as long as I did but was just not financially or mentally capable of doing it sooner. Stuck in a constant loop of "if I just do this and if I just did that or if I didn't nag as much...and he was really lovely this weekend...it must be me".
I'm not here to be smug or something, I just wanted to say there is hope because Christ almighty I have lived this utter shit for 20 years and I know the hell it is to live in. And yeah...felt like I needed to close the loop on all those old threads. x
Edit to say thread title should say *emotionally