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Relationships

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Husband moved out after shouting, unsure whether to try again

22 replies

Ejs890011 · 25/06/2026 14:51

So husband is out of the house as I need space as on Friday he called me a bitch slammed the door. Woke our son up and then started shouting at me that we need to resolve the argument now even though our son was crying.
but I don’t know if he will change this attitude has been going on for years.
also now he is showing me by his action he can’t be bothered. He says he is but I asked him if he was going to see our son today but he goes no I have to save petrol for work but you are more than welcome to come here with him.
also he says he doesn’t want to come back to the house until he moves back in as it’s too difficult for him. I asked him when will he see our son and he said we will sort something out.
I said I needed more time to think about things until he moves back in but I feel he is punishing our son and acting like he doesn’t want to see us as playing hard to get.
he also said to me the bill being paid on 1st July I shouldn’t pay them as I am not living there. I don’t think that’s right.
I want to give my marriage another go but I am so hurt by his actions I don’t know what to do.
any advice

OP posts:
Sparrowsandbudgies · 25/06/2026 14:57

Oh come on you don’t want this weasel back. Calling you a bitch and shouting so much your son was crying is a horrible environment for your son, and you. You can do better.

DewDropsAndCobWebs · 25/06/2026 15:06

It sounds like you see this as 'they have to leave till I tell them they can come back' but then are mad they aren't trying to be home.

Either you both work on your communication, and set some clear boundaries for you both, or split so you can each heal and be good parents, even if not together.

Sodthesystem · 25/06/2026 15:10

Why would you want to give it another go with an abusive prick who uses seeing your son to manipulate you into taking him back, after he’s been an abusive prick?

You do realise the whole marriage would be nothing but him being an asshole and you trying to fix him by diminishing your own needs and making yourself small right?

You mean he doesn’t want to pay the bills?

Look, put a claim in for child support asap and see a solicitor about what you need to divorce this loser.

Because he is, a loser.

He doesn’t respect you. Infact, he has contempt for you. Calling you a bitch and waking your child like that is abuse to the child too you know. No child should be raised in a household where their father abuses their mother. It’s the sort of thing children are taken away from homes for, btw.

I know you want him to see his son. And so does he. And he’s using that to try manipulate you into taking him back.

Honestly the less contact men like that have with their children, the better. Bullies don’t belong around kids. And before you say “oh but he’s great with his son”, no, no he’s not - because he abuses his son’s mother. So he’s a shit role model. And a shit person.

Please start choosing YOU. You do not owe anyone to take this jerk back. And no amount of love or you trying to appease him, will fix him. He is a cup with a hole in it.

What is the housing situation?
Can you afford to move to your own place?
look into what financial entitlements you are due. See a solicitor about what’s needed for divorce and don’t tell him anything until you are clued up. Be aware he means you harm. And this will increase when you decided to leave. But we do not stay with bullies and we certainly do not take back manipulative bullies who use their son and even threaten the roof over their sons head in order to get you to take thr, back and keep tolerating their shit.

momtoboys · 25/06/2026 15:15

Oh, come on....reread your post. This man is dodgy and your relationship is a mess. Time to move on.

Boreded · 25/06/2026 15:34

He has to pay the bills, they’re his commitments too.

I would expect he has another woman and he wants an excuse to not be there without having to say where he really is.

anyone who would behave like that when it’s upsetting your child is a cockwomble, and I would pack his stuff for him

MrsMoastyToasty · 25/06/2026 15:38

The person whose name is on the bill should pay it. They're the one who would be chased by debt collectors.

Junejunejune · 25/06/2026 15:38

He clearly doesn’t like you and is a crap father. Why would you want to be in a relationship with him?

Brightbluesomething · 25/06/2026 17:32

I don’t know why you’re talking about ‘when he moves back in’. He absolutely shouldn’t. Protect your child from having to experience this again and prioritise them. As for seeing the child, its probably better that he doesn’t if this is how he is.
Use this as a clean break to get yourself organised to live on your own with your child. This relationship is over.

Ejs890011 · 25/06/2026 17:46

Well I let him back because I am giving it one more time as I had a gambling addiction 3 years ago and he gave me a chance again. However, he does through that in my face all the time. I just feel conflicted as we did IVF and have been such a rollacoaster together. I just feel like I owe him I don’t know why

OP posts:
Holdonforsummer · 25/06/2026 17:48

Let this be the e last chance then and set the bar high for you and your child.

Sodthesystem · 25/06/2026 18:19

I know why. Because you’ve been conditioned to be nice over protecting your own interests. Because you feel your one bad patch gives him leeway for his nasty behaviour (it doesn’t) and because does everything he can to MAKE you feel like you owe him.

The thing is, you’re giving one last chance to a man who basically threatened you to not see his son and not pay his share of the bills if you didn’t. That’s not someone you should give one last chance to.

Last chances are for people who are genuinely sorry for their behaviour. Who have shown that they will change. Not for people who are still blaming you for their bs, not sorry and, manipulative.

So it’s a mistake, and I’m sure you know it is in your gut. You want things to be ok but the fact is, they aren’t. You want him to be a decent person to you again but the fact is, he has contempt for you, and so he won’t be.

Use this time to start planning for when he inevitably continues being a dick and you and your boy have to get away from him. Find out your entitlements, speak to a solicitor, pack an emergency bag just incase for you and your son.

I get you want to hope for the best but…
Plan for the worst.

Thechaseison71 · 25/06/2026 21:19

Boreded · 25/06/2026 15:34

He has to pay the bills, they’re his commitments too.

I would expect he has another woman and he wants an excuse to not be there without having to say where he really is.

anyone who would behave like that when it’s upsetting your child is a cockwomble, and I would pack his stuff for him

He doesn't have to pay the bills if he moves out though

Boreded · 25/06/2026 21:27

Thechaseison71 · 25/06/2026 21:19

He doesn't have to pay the bills if he moves out though

It’s like you don’t understand the concept of a legally binding credit agreement…like the one he will have on his mortgage 🤦‍♀️

if he walks out he hasn’t moved out, he still has responsibilities. When he has actually moved out then that is a different story

Sodthesystem · 25/06/2026 21:28

Thechaseison71 · 25/06/2026 21:19

He doesn't have to pay the bills if he moves out though

If his kids are living in the home and if is name is on the lease then he does.

Thechaseison71 · 25/06/2026 23:44

Boreded · 25/06/2026 21:27

It’s like you don’t understand the concept of a legally binding credit agreement…like the one he will have on his mortgage 🤦‍♀️

if he walks out he hasn’t moved out, he still has responsibilities. When he has actually moved out then that is a different story

Edited

I'm thinking of bills such as utilities etc.

Amuf the house is in his name he can sell it or let it get repossessed. No one can actually make him pay

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/06/2026 23:49

Doesn’t your son deserve better than living in a war zone? Do you want him growing up thinking shouting and banging around is how two adults should behave towards each other? Do you want him to treat a future partner like that or him to be treated like that because he thinks it’s normal? Because that’s what you’re doing.

PrincessofWills · 25/06/2026 23:51

Thechaseison71 · 25/06/2026 23:44

I'm thinking of bills such as utilities etc.

Amuf the house is in his name he can sell it or let it get repossessed. No one can actually make him pay

They just repossess and he owes any outstanding monies. Probably end up bankrupt.

suburberphobe · 25/06/2026 23:57

Well I let him back because I am giving it one more time as I had a gambling addiction 3 years ago and he gave me a chance again. However, he does through that in my face all the time. I just feel conflicted as we did IVF and have been such a rollacoaster together. I just feel like I owe him I don’t know why

Sounds like a car crash of a relationship. And a poor child living in the household.

Doing IVF? Are you mad?

Leave him and make a peaceful home for you and your child.

Boreded · 26/06/2026 00:39

Thechaseison71 · 25/06/2026 23:44

I'm thinking of bills such as utilities etc.

Amuf the house is in his name he can sell it or let it get repossessed. No one can actually make him pay

🤦‍♀️

Dontlletmedownbruce · 26/06/2026 12:29

How bad was the gambling addiction? Did you get the family into debt? Supporting you through that time must have had a massive impact on him mentally. I suspect he is still really angry about it all. I'm not excusing his words but it might explain his anger.

Sodthesystem · 26/06/2026 15:06

I'm assuming she meant they did ivf to get their current child.

Please tell us you aren't doing it now. Omg.

This is why I totally against ivf. There seems to be absolutely no safeguarding in place for the processes.

So many abusive relationships been given the
green light to bring kids into them willy nilly.

knottywig · 26/06/2026 15:10

Haven’t rtft but anytime he says he won’t pay a bill because ge isn’t living there remind him that he is paying for his son to live there- he’s a selfish c u next Tuesday, plan your escape.

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