Overthinking

[mamadoll51]

I’m a complete over thinker so please don’t jump on me for posting this, I know it’s not that deep.

So I met a man last year, on OLD. Chatting for a few weeks, all good, met up a couple of times and did sleep together. Basically I already have children, and he was honest and said that he wants to start a family and dating someone with children already would be hard to get his head around. I appreciate that not everyone wants to date someone with kids so no big deal. I wasn’t upset about it or anything although he was someone I found interesting and we got on and I would have been open to getting to know him better.

The issue was- he still hit me up for casual sex. I said no as to be honest I’m looking to meet someone hopefully, and didn’t want to waste my time with that when he’d clearly told me I wasn’t long term material. He was a bit of a dick about it when I said no and we didn’t speak again.

Hadn’t really thought of it since. But I ended up bumping into him recently in a work environment and he instigated messaging me and apologising for being “an idiot” and “a dickhead” to me as he put it.

Over a few weeks the chat got a bit flirty, which I kind of regret because he’s told me before that he doesn’t see me as relationship material and that’s what I would be looking for from someone ultimately. But I do find him attractive and I guess we had chemistry.

So he asked me out for a coffee and we went for a coffee and a walk, it was all fine, conversation flowing, wasn’t awkward at all. Bit of banter and flirting etc.

But he never messaged me after, and whenever I bump into him professionally now he puts his head down and ignores me.

I just keep overthinking what did I do so wrong for him to have this reaction?

My guess is that he thought the coffee and the flirting meant that you had changed your mind about casual sex. It didn't. He's ignoring you now because he's not going to waste his energy. He'll turn his charm offensive elsewhere. He is very much not the man for you.

Don't blame yourself, he was hoping for more casual sex but when he realised that wasn't on the menu he backed off.It's disappointing if you felt you had chemistry but you did nothing wrong, as a pp said he is simply directing his attention elsewhere.

At best, he was looking for closure in which you didn’t think so badly of him.

At worst, he was looking for sex and thought you might have changed your mind.

Either way, it’s time for you to move on just as he clearly has.

I mean, he didn’t even put the sex thing explicitly back on the table, and we didn’t go over any old ground in terms of what I was looking for. He apologised for his previous behaviour to start with, and there was some flirty sexual chat (maybe that was him testing the waters for casual sex?), some normal chat about our families, work, other normal topics. Whenever I ended the chats he would always re instigate a couple of days later. When we met for coffee he was talking about loving a walk cause you “never know when you might meet the love of your life”, which I was just like “yea you never know”. And that was pretty much the last words we said to each other!

I know I shouldn’t dwell on it but like I say I’m such an over-thinker I’m just like what have I done so bad to cause this reaction.

I know I need to

I’m just like what have I done so bad to cause this reaction.

I don’t understand. What reaction do you think is so bad that it must have been caused by something bad?

I mean him just completely ignoring me and putting his head down whenever I come across him now. Not even a polite and professional hello.

He's maybe just a bit immature? It's nothing you've done.

He was sounding you out in the hope of a shag. When he realised you're not up for it, he stopped bothering to pretend to be nice. He's a tosser!

What caused his reaction was his realisation that you weren't going to be an easy lay after all. His male pride has been dented because you rejected his cock. So you are no longer worth bothering with in his eyes. Bullet dodged.

Agree 100%

Very well put.

Thanks all

100% this! I had one who kept coming back and he would pretend to be a friend to get sex. It totally messed up my head and am getting therapy now. The trash has taken itself out. Try and build your self worth so that arseholes like this won’t sense any weakness in you.

Another possibility is that he has met someone else and isn't mature enough to simply tell you that so he's ghosting you instead. Either way, it's not about anything you did or didn't do.

He could have- absolutely. But at the time of this happening, it was him that instigated reconnection, flirting, asked to meet me for coffee… his behaviour didn’t give off single vibes at all.

The behaviour after the walk was prompt… so unless he met someone else immediately after we parted ways, I don’t think it explains the behaviour.

Unless he was with someone else the whole time and was just testing the waters or whatever and then started bricking it after we met up.

*not-single vibes