How to move out together when you've just broken up?

[Laye]

I cant believe this.

Two weeks until moving date for a place of our own. Me and dp have been living with family our entire relationship to save up for this moment. We have dc together. Of course he goes and does something to mess it up right before we leave. After many boundaries broken and trust shattered I've called it. However neither of us have money to move out anywhere else, we have all our stuff packed in boxes. Dc schools have been changed over, landlord is expecting us to be moving stuff in this week. How the heck am I meant to navigate this?! Dp seems to think we will make it work but I'm having cold feet big time. He thinks he can repair whats been broken but he has been "working on it" for years now and I'm exhausted by the let down and heart break. I just want to be happy now however we really have no other options financially.

Any successful stories of people in similar situations?

Bump - anyone?

Where are you living right now? With his family or yours? I'd complete the break up now, before you've moved in and started the Dc at new schools. Hard as it is now, it will be harder to split once you've actually moved.
If you do the move with the DC alone, can you make it work financially ? Would you be entitled to state help?
Or if you are with your parents, maybe best for him to move out, especially if you need childcare on hand in order to work.

We are with his family. We both don't really have a choice but to see this move through and try to navigate co parenting together. I just really want advice on how to manage this because with the breakup and move being on top of each other I'm finding it extremely overwhelming

The positive is that you move into the house as a house share arrangement only. Could he be persuaded to stay with family with a view to selling up at the end of the mortgage offer period?

You mention landlord so it's rented? You have 2 options either move in and agree some boundaries to coparent and nothing else or he stays with his family and you move with the kids. You need to look at what term you are tied into with regards to a lease and to resolve the relationship one way or another before you need to extend.
When couples live together and split up, they fall into one of these categories so it's no different although if you are already with his family id push for him to stay there with them. Arrange for times for him to be with the kids and figure out a clear path forward. These things are never easy at any time, you need to find small things to focus on one at a time and you will get through it.

Can you afford to rent on your own? He'll have to pay you child maintenance if the kids are living with you.

Or is there enough space for you to have separate beds or rooms in the new place?

And what a nightmare for you. The worst timing. Keep calm, you'll find a way through.

@randomchat I cant afford to live on my own and neither can he. He could stay living with family but it would be homeless with the kids.

It really feels like our hands are tied on this and we have no other choice. I just don't see how this set up can work being happy. The house only has 2 bedrooms so we have to share. Its a small place so it will be very intimate, not like we could stay away from each other or in separate rooms ect

Did he cheat?

Then you present to the council as homeless.

The fact the move out isn’t actually that pertinent here (and if anything is better as you’re already packed up).

You can’t move to where you originally planned (I assume it’s not a sale you’ve completed on given you haven’t moved yet - but ignore this if that’s wrong), but you will need to figure out how to afford to live somewhere. That’s probably still a rental or housing association or council housing - but you need to work out what your income is (including benefits and child maintenance) and work backwards from there to figure out what you can afford.

I don't think you should move in together, it will be hard for you and really confusing for the kids.

Would he pay his share of the rent while still living in his parents house till you get benefits as a single parent sorted?

If he insists on staying in the new flat, and you can't stay with his family, which I imagine would be very awkard, can you share a room with one of the kids and he's in the other bedroom with the other one?

Sharing a bedroom will make him think you'll get back with him.

@Tinywhitebutterfly we are already sharing a room together. It is all very confusing.... we feel different but the same if you get me?

We share evenings together but there is a disconnect. Well at least for me. We talk and act the same in front of the kids but there is an undertone there.

Kids don't know anything. They are too young to cotton on (12months and 4yrs)

I cannot afford the rent without him and vice versa. He doesn't want to be at home anymore so he wont stay behind. Also neither of us want to tell our families as they knew our relationship has bene rocky for a while and they all advised us against moving. However we have to move as their family home has been sold and we have 2 more months before we needed to be out. So again, neither of us have any choice.

I mean personally I would tell the landlord you’ve changed your mind. It’s 2 weeks till move in so surely you’ve plenty of time to break the lease?

Then id either continue to stay with family or, go declare homelessness and see if you can get emergency accommodation.

I’d do anything but move in with him. Especially considering it would be a shared bedroom and he doesn’t seem to think this relationship is over. That’s not safe.

Get in touch with the landlord asap.

Could you move somewhere cheaper and rent? A caravan?

If you have to move to the new place, does it have a livingroom separate from the kitchen? If so, make that your bedroom and put a lock on the door asap. Alternatively, share the kids room. Do not share a room with him.

And based on your update, tell your families. A little embarrassment now is better than being stuck living with this guy going forwards, and also, you’ve done the right thing before moving in with him so surely they’ll think that was a smart move of you.

2 months is time enough to sort something.