Bored and married

[Malkbuskit]

Hi

Been married for 8 years I'm 36 he is 37.

I'm going stir crazy,I have hardly any space for myself. At hoand I'm all alone at home. me I feel like a constant pressure to do chores when he is at work, I spend so much time online I don't know what reality is
When he is at home he is always lounging about and keeps pestering me, asking me what he can do to help,asking for constant attention.
I don't feel like we are talking about our feelings or that or anything really, when I try to talk about a subject that I'm passionate about he tells me to stop and that I'm getting too loud or emotional, but I have no outlet. I'm crying a lot, I have no one to talk to.
I just want to be me again.
I don't know if marriage is for me.
If I speak to a friend they tell me different things to leave him or to stay.
I think I'm miserable, I just can't breathe,
I'm supposed to talk to a doctor and take anti depressants I'm sure, I have insomnia too.
But I spend every day at home in a tiny flat waiting for my daughter to come home, he doesn't have any friends so the weekend are spent automatically together and he always wants to do things, I never gave time to think what I want to do and never have time for fun for myself.
We argue if I take him to concerts or festivals he looks miserable there.
He goes to work and sees people I'm all alone all day, his hobbies involve staying at home so playing computer games or building things so he doesn't understand why I need to be out meeting people because his hobbies are indoors and he likes being alone.
What should I do?
I've joined the gym but can't seem to find the motivation,we joined a church but it's all elderly people, there are no clubs or meet ups as it's a small town.

Could you get a job? Something to do during the day so you have others to talk to?

You need to get a job, get out of the flat in the day and have some independence. You're allowed to have hobbies and friends and go out with them if you want to. If he is putting pressure on you not to go out and see friends and family, that is controlling and abusive.

Doctors. Your post reads like someone who is going through a bit of a crisis (probably too strong of a word but can’t think of an alternative).

You need to speak to someone about how you are feeling, including your husband so he can start helping to give you the space and room to be who you need to be.

This issue can be fixed if you take the time to discuss it and get support. And it may not be exactly as you see it, you mention about a distorted reality, you can only work out if it is by reaching out to professionals.

Another that thought job, but also I’d reread what you’re saying as some of them contradict each other, you don’t want him at home but you comment on how he gets to be out? Could you start something in your town? A meet up for board games or a book club or could you start running if you don’t like the gym?

Get a job, you’ll make friends and it will give you a sense of purpose

Your post reads a bit concerning. If you feel you don't know what's real/reality is, you need to get out of the house. And probably see a doctor. Engage with life.

Thanks, what sort of job, I can only work school hours, and I'm learning to drive. I

Lunch time supervisor in your child's school, waitress in a cafe to cover lunchtime rush etc. Google is your friend!

Getting a job could be a good idea

Maybe you would be like this in any relationship, or maybe this is a mental health issue due to not having enough social contact (which is a very real thing), but the rift between you and your husband is clear in the way you write.

You see him as separate to you. Someone who you need to keep out and separate from, someone you don't even like. If you want to leave him, you'll need to be fully financially independent unless you want to struggle on universal credit. You could do with getting out of the house anyway, so how about looking around for a part time admin job to start with?

You could always find after-school childcare so you're not limited to school hours. It sounds like you're losing your mind at home, so even if you're not really better off for working financially, everyone in the family will benefit from your improved MH.

Even something part-time or volunteering would give you an outlet.

Get out of the flat everyday.
Go to the GP.

How long have you been out of work? What was your job before you left it?

Ive been out of work for 2 years but I have never enjoyed my previous job and it turned out it eventually lended me to feeling much more isolated at the time, I've actually been feeling better taking a break out of work to reassess, my feelings did not resolve at the time when I was working. I just worked because my family suggested I do but it never clicked why I should be working, I worked in bad conditions with bad managers.I was just masking how I was feeling, but after taking a break out of work and only working on some Friday's in a better environment which was a public school.I started to realise I need to work in a way that makes me feel more accomplished,I did a night shift in a care home when my daughter was at nursery and I quit and work some Fridays in a school as an assistant. Before my daughters birth I worked in a nursery and just hod my true self and did the hard jobs to make up for the guilt I felt for being a rubbish worker.

Get out walking, do volunteering or get a job

Yes I might look into a cleaning job for now.

Yes, that is true, we are moving so we can get more care for our daughter as right now we live in a tiny upstairs flat and she is disabled so a carer cannot carry her safely.