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Relationships

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co-parenting contact with dating

5 replies

Frankie1923 · 21/06/2026 07:14

Hi

Just looking for some advice from any co parents please just so I can learn from a recent relationship.

A-bit of background we are all women she has two children she co parents with a ex wife. Divorce just finalised been separated over a year. The house needs to be sold. The ex wife left to be with a woman from work they are still together.

I met the woman I was seeing on a dating app. Talked for a while before meeting. Really great first date started seeing each other every other weekend when she was free.

Made it clear I know the kids come first and no plans to meet them unless it became something long term in the future. She always made it clear she never wanted to get married again which is not something I want anyway. She told me the ex wife had said she would find it difficult when she started dating again.

I know the ex and family have been asking lots of questions and making comments. It was all going good probably one of the healthiest connections I have had. Equal effort openness etc.

Then we get to the last weekend I see her we went out on the Friday night in to Town to see a comedian. On the taxi ride there she was saying I bet I used to attract a lot of women when I go out etc just put it down to because I had made an effort. On the Saturday afternoon I saw her ex sent a picture of the kids through and it was like a shutter went down and she totally shut off.

When I look back there have been a few times where the ex has rang or text when she knows we are together and it’s like a total cut off and she will say she would just be happy with her and the kids.

After that weekend it won’t come as a surprise to say she asked for space and then ended things a week later.

Because I do not have children and not really dated anyone long term before that has. Is that a usual response to hearing from your ex and not seeing your children I know it must be extremely difficult.

OP posts:
ThatAquaRobin · 21/06/2026 09:17

My read is that she's not over her ex.
I would have definitely been like this in the first year or so after my ex H left.
Now I'm seeing someone who has kids and and ex wife. I also have kids and an ex H.
I have lived separately for 5 years and my partner has lived separately from his ex for 4 years.
Both of us will openly exchange WhatsApps with our ex's. Usually about kids or logistics.
But it's taken a while for me to get to that stage.
Look for someone perhaps a little longer out of the relationship and someone who's done the work emotionally

redboxer321 · 21/06/2026 09:54

As pp said she's not over her ex and dating too soon after the end of her previous relationship.
I know it's doubly tough when you're a lesbian as there are not so many of us about and when you find someone you think it can work with, you don't want to admit it's not going to.
Just be more open to seeing what is actually going on rather than what you want to be happening in future I guess. Easier said than done, I know.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/06/2026 10:27

I’m not lesbian, but I think she’s not ready and has shut off.
in your shoes you should tell her you’ve loved getting to know her and thinks she’s great. You understand that she’s got a lot to process and hope she can get the support she needs. And you’re open to being in touch him the future if she wants to, and you’re both single, you’d love to hear from her. Lots of love x

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/06/2026 10:27

In not him

Inmyuggs · 21/06/2026 10:36

Best to ask the person
Highly likely unresolved stuff.
For me it would be the kids I would be missing and I can go quiet when wirhout them about.
Possibly to many people to keep happy or balance.
Some people take along time to move on or recover.
It can be wonserful to date a parent but if you arent one it can cause some tricky dynamics or lack of understanding.

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