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Relationships

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Prostitute fantasy and possible previous use of sex workers. What would you do?

5 replies

Limoncetta · 20/06/2026 23:59

I don't know what to do.

I met a man late last year, been seeing him since late November, have a good laugh together, both divorced for quite a long time and never expected to meet anyone nice again. We are both in our late fifties, both with grown children, settled in our own homes.

I never had expectations of getting into anything serious again, but we click so well and on several occasions he has talked about a long-term future with me clearly in it. One sticking point in the compatibility stakes. No sex. He has ED. Seems common amongst older men. We have talked about it a lot, he seems to be ashamed and embarrassed. We've tried Viagra and Cialis. Neither have worked. Not drinking beforehand, massages, lots of cuddling and foreplay, but nothing.

He has made an appointment with his GP to rule out any underlying health problems.

The other day he was looking for something in his history on his phone to show me and as he scrolled through it, I spotted the word prostitute pop up a few times. I gently brought it up a day or so later and he denied he had any interest in sex workers, nor any fantasy about them. I did the thing you should never so and I checked his phone. He hadn't been on an escort sites or anything, but he had done a Google search looking for a very specific type of prostitute, as in clothing, shoes, make up and hair. He had looked at the same set of photos multiple times in the middle of the night on nights when we weren't together. There were also searches for photos of an ex girlfriend, who might I add, looks very similar in "type" to the photos of sex workers he was looking at repeatedly.

I brought it up with him and he still denied it. Then he told me when he was much younger and single, that he called an escort as he was very lonely, but she couldn't find his house apparently. That he never went through with it.

I feel so uncomfortable and as if I don't know who this person is. For all I know, he could be using sex workers behind my back, hence the ED. I also think he's lying about the escort not turning up to his house. He's obviously embarrassed that I saw what he was looking at, but denying he even did those searches and then telling me he can't even remember, well it feels like he's basically a liar already anyway, so why should I trust him anymore?

It all feels seedy and grim and I want to end it.

OP posts:
Userengage · 21/06/2026 00:22

“Long term future” with you in it as long as you put up with his ED and prostitute use.

Just dump him. He’s no prize.

In2mindsss · 21/06/2026 00:24

Say goodbye to him and his floppy bit.

You can do better.

SilenceInside · 21/06/2026 00:26

You do know what to do, you’ve just said it - you want to end it. That’s a good instinct so go with that!

PermanentTemporary · 21/06/2026 00:30

I do think if you search people’s phones you are likely to find things you don’t like, but it’s fair enough to act on this.

I gather that ED isn’t uncommon in older men but there are an awful lot who don’t have this issue as well.

AllTheSuzyCreamcheeses · 21/06/2026 00:47

Oh just leave him. He makes you feel seedy & grim and it does sound mucky. You already have doubts about his truth, you will always be wondering & weighing yourself up - against what? A bunch of prostitutes. You deserve far better, lovely. And there are plenty of men in their 50s who can sustain an erection! Good luck. X

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