Am i overreacting?

[Galaxymod]

Question for all you lovely lot.

Me and partner started organising my birthdya get together 2 months before my birthday, all organised and dates and times sorted etc.
Week before my birthday my partner ( wife ) tells me she has a dilemma, she tells me the actually she had already agreed to go to someone else party ( man at work ) and she doesnt know what to do now. ( she never told me about this other party and even set dates for mine etc ) I told her " do what u feel is right "

Well you can imagine she chose the work blokes party and his mates, I beleive there is one other work colleague going and as wife said, she doesnt want to let him down and hurt his feelings by not going.
So she ended up messaging all my guests and told them it was cancelled as unwell and will rearrange.

She rearranged it foe the 4th july, but ive had no say over this, she has organised it qith her mates, chose what we doing, what we eating and drinking etc wife and female friend sorted it all at work etc and ive had no involvement at all.

So today she has gone off to this man's party for the day, yes its a day one in another city and she has been a little distant with me, cagey with who has gone and who's there etc

Just seen a post the bloke put up on his facebook about what they doing today and says it ends at 6pm and anyone wanting to hang around can go back to his hotel afyer for drinks etc.

So not only am I hurt, feel disrespected and un important but she maybe also going back to this blokes hotel ( dont say trust, she has done similar before and ended up sleeping with the bloke )

Am i valid in feeling what I feel, im very anxious and even keeping busy isnt helping much

No, that's weird, and shitty behaviour.

This all sounds quite mad. Why did you tell her to do what she felt was right? I mean, she’d actually organised your party. And then why cancel the party if she couldn’t bear to ‘hurt the feelings’ of her colleague, but was fine with hurting her wife’s? Surely you could have gone ahead with your own party?

Ignore the party, she’s already slept with someone else. So don’t know why you think she was going to start treating you better. She’s showing you don’t matter, I’d end the relationship.

She’s cheated on you. Why are you still there?

She is my wife, im her husband, she cancelled and bailed on mine for her work fella party, I said do what u feel is right as im not controlling or going to tell her what she should be doing, id rather she made the choice herself and she did. I wasnt her priorty, her work make was.

The time she cheated was very hard for her, I mean harder then most people could imagine and I tries to understand why this would happen based on how she was at the time and what she had gone through. Doesn't make it right and doesn't exvuse it but I took understanding

I’m sorry but you sound like an absolute door mat. Yeah I’m sure sleeping with someone else was really hard for her, bless her. And now she’s still treating you like shit!! Wake up for goodness sake.

Sorry but my husband would be my priority over a colleague. This could have easily been explained to the colleague.
It all seems a bit strange, she hasn’t been honest about things and it looks like she hasn’t considered you’re feelings at all.

I know you’re worried about being controlling but she’s showing you her lack of interest now.
How has your marriage been lately?

There’s so much to unpick here. “Don’t say trust”? The only other option is to say “dump”

She has just come in. Laughing and joking and showing me the vids of her day out and wonders why im distant, so I said abiut the party. Mine being cancelled so u can go have fun so of course im a little down and maybe off, so she tells me im wrong for feleing this way and storms off upstairs.

Sounds like she has form, if you decided at the time to give her another chance knowing what she did then i’d be starting to think she maybe hasn’t learnt from her first mistake, see the problem with forgiveness is that in some ways it’s like your saying it’s ok to do what you did, the fact she got away with it probably means she thinks she can get away with it again, i forgave one of my partners for cheating and regretted it as she learnt nothing, happened again…never again!

I think the fact she thought his party was more important than yours speaks volumes, i don’t think she has any respect for you.

In the kindest way your wife is taking the mick and you are low down on her list of priorities. Sorry you need to develop some self worth