DS (29) is going to ukraine to meet a woman

[YourJadeHelper]

So my DS has never had a girlfriend or been in a relationship before but recently told me that he has been talking to a woman from ukraine through a dating agency. He is mildly autistic and is naturally introverted and although he has traits which women might like (tall, good looking, has a mortgage, makes decent money) but he has always lacked friends and he has told me that on sites like tinder he has gave up on because he cant match with anyone. He says that he has been sending her money and he also says that he has already spoke to her a couple of times on webcam with a translator present because her english wasnt that good. My son says that he wants to get married and start a family but surely he can meet someone here in ireland instead

He also showed me a picture of her and shes very beautiful and is a few years younger but then I worry because it could be a scam. Also, I know you can still travel to ukraine but there is still a war going on over there

God that sounds absolutely fraught with scam likelihood and vulnerability to violence. Presumably he’s going alone? Has he read the Foreign Office advice about travel to Ukraine and got good quality travel insurance?

If I’m honest, if he absolutely refuses to see how risky this is, I would be tempted to beg him to let me go with him. How terrifying.

Oh, HELL no! Sounds like a scam. No idea what you can do, maybe suggest she visits here instead? Can you even get out of Ukraine?

Not only does it sound like a scam, it sounds like some sort of 'honeypot' situation

Considering Ukraine is at war and looking for more soldiers, this smells like a trap

Does he know all fighting age men can be conscripted?! I doubt they will be checking his passport. I doubt it is a good idea anyway but she should at least come to him.

Just google Ukraine romance scam and you’ll see how these scammers work. I’d be inclined to contact Action Fraud and also his bank. You may at the very least be able to tell them he is a vulnerable adult and sending money to scammers. I bet the money was for “English lessons.” 🙄 The bank won’t be able to give you any information, but they should be able to flag his account for future transactions.

Sounds like a scam. Perhaps this is a matter for the police, especially since he has been sending money. He has additional needs and is being taken advantage of by these people, both the woman and the translator.

Oh that is one of my worst nightmares. My ds is much younger but also autistic and it’s so tricky to navigate the blind spots in his socio-cognitive understanding. He is terribly vulnerable to pretence and dishonesty because he is so utterly straight and honest himself.

@JillThePlantKiller yeah its scary I feel like my son is just getting more desperate for a relationship, he's never had a girlfriend and he told me that online dating apps dont work for him and then considering he is on the autism spectrum and is more introverted it must be hard for him to actually approach a woman.

To me it sounds like a mail order bride although I always thought it was older men who do this kind of stuff

Police in the short term.

Medium term, maybe also get involved in supporting alternative socialising options eg hobbies, local drama, choirs, pub quizzes, sports, learning bridge (mostly women and many younger ones these days) plus events to keep your son busy all the time.

Oh that does sound very scammy. I hope he doesn’t go and this gets resolved.

There is a dating/friendship app for people with ND called Hiki, might be worth a look for your DS instead of going to Ukraine.

I know a man (similar to your son) who went to Ukraine to meet his "girlfriend". She did exist but after having sex she used his phone to get into his bank account and stole everything.
Your son needs to know of the possibility that she might not be the person he thinks she is.

What's the point of meeting her if they don't speak the same language? Scammers can fake video calls as well as phone calls. Tell him to watch Catfish on YouTube. If dating apps don't work for him maybe Meet Up or similar would, you meet people who have similar interests, re photography group, board game group, there's also general socialising and dating groups. I hope he sees some sense, I would be very worried. Good luck.

This is a scam. 100% a scam. Ukrainians have many honeypot and thirst trap scams going and have done for donkeys years, the women looking for a man to take care of them (see also russian brides) and the sailor scam on the male side of it. Take his passport, call the police, do something because there is not one hope in hell this is real.

If this is genuine then she comes over here and pays on her credit card and then (if he wants to) give her the money. There may be a beautiful photograph but is it her ?

.....got good quality travel insurance?

Can you get insurance to travel to Ukraine?
(And even if you can, war is usually excluded.)

This is awful. It's very likely to be a scam and the woman may not even exist, it could be done with AI. I s it possible to explain this to DS?

Well yes, that’s what I mean - if he’s not able to get insurance would that make him think twice?

Ok I have now read the Foreign Office advice myself. There are a few areas in the west of Ukraine to which Brits can travel if it is essential, but otherwise all travel is advised against. Martial law is in operation. OP do you think this would help him understand that he shouldn’t go?

Gardaí. And lock up his passport.