What is the Script?

[Marissa270]

Many ladies on here have mentioned the Script and the steps that are common when men are contemplating cheating or have already cheated. I can’t find the actual book to buy anywhere. Can anyone please explain in detail the signs or what occurs? Thanks!

I’m no expert but when a man wants to leave, is fantasising about cheating or actually cheating he won’t be straight about it.
So he concocts a script in his head which allows him to justify his behaviours.
He starts to become cold and distant and spends less time at home.
He may start going to the gym more.
Start ‘mentioning’ a woman in his sphere - it’s often someone at work.
Secretive with his phone and tech as well
as finances.
He will then start picking at his wife/partner - he’s usually told another woman how awful she is at this point so he will usually start by having a go at how she looks.
Then how she treats him.
How she runs the home.
How she looks after the kids.
And the cherry on top will be working his way back through their relationship and explaining all the times he wasn’t happy, and then he will make it all her fault. She was controlling is a good one because when he went out 6 nights a week she was trying to curb his life.
And she will be confused and bemused.
Then he can often turn nasty, be aggressive and emotionally abusive, to the point where she is a shell.
And he will say to the other woman God you want to see my wife she does nothing for herself, she’s boring, controlling and all she does is cry and yet you, you gorgeous thing, admire my biceps and my bank balance and badly head and think I’m the best thing ever.
And of course my children will adore you.
And we will live happily ever after.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5169069-the-script-what-would-you-add?page=1

This is the common linked thread with lots of info

also to add he will say he was never happy and hasn’t been for. Along time and you’ve been too self absorbed to notice (you know, while you’ve just been caring for the house and the kids).

Or he might say he never really wanted kids in the first place and he felt pressured into it. Or he never really wanted get married and felt pressured etc etc.

My guess is that you might never know that he/she is contemplating cheating, but if you have been together long enough to establish routines you will probably know something is going on, it’s the small routine changes that tell you something isn’t right, the phone on silent, taking the phone into the bathroom, making excuses why they are late home or spending more time out when they never used to, not being affectionate towards you, taking more pride in their appearance all of a sudden, becoming distant and argumentative giving the impression they would rather be elsewhere. The list goes on, but trust me as a man who has been through this several times, you will just know if you open your senses. And it will REALLY hurt! 😞 sorry.

Being distant
Being out a lot
Spending a lot of time in another room/online/ on their phone
Stopping saying "i love you/ I love you too"
Criticising their partner for little things that they have never mentioned before
Picking fights over nothing
Stopping initiating sex and being physically distant
Rewriting history - "I never wanted to get married/buy a house/ have children, you forced me into it/I never loved you
Rewriting history 2 - "You are controlling & always have been, it's always been your way, not mine"

They all follow something similar to above. It's driven by shame & guilt and is designed to force the wife/partner to be the one to end the relationship and look like the "bad one" to outsiders.
Then once the partner/wife has ended it and looked like the "bad one" they suddenly meet someone and start a "new relationship".

I went through this a decade ago. Its almost exactly as a pp said. Brief (because I rumbled it) affair with 'soul mate' who he couldnt possibly leave. V quickly morphed into me railroading him into marriage and kids and house purchases, im controlling, manipulative etc etc. Its toxic, self justifying bullshit

It is a book!