Left abusive partner 3 months PP and struggling without my home

[SpookyTeacup]

I think I just need somewhere to vent...

I'm 3 months postpartum and I finally left my abusive partner. He crossed the line when he shouted, swore, and aggressively handled my baby before then telling me he'd take her from me.

I'm so glad to be free but I had to escape my home. My baby and I are sofa surfing and its hard. Emotionally I'll get over it, she's safe and that's all that matters to me now. A completely insignificant issue I have is how much I miss my changing table. My back hurts so much from changing her on the floor or bed. Small things.

I miss my home, I miss her bedroom. I'm trying my best to get him out of the house but its such a slow process. He doesnt care that his baby is homeless.

Just wanted to pop on here to say. The amount of courage it will have taken you to leave no one will comprehend unless they have been through it themselves but those that have will completely understand how you feel about your home.

I’m sending you lots of hugs as I understand how you are feeling and wanted to say you’re not alone feeling that way. Give yourself the empathy you would show a friend going through the same situation.

You’ve done amazingly well coping with a baby and the situation so far.

Ideally you would like the charging table but in the meantime have you considered placing the changing mat on the bed/settee and you kneeling at the side as it would hopefully reduce the need to bend your back and may ease it. Obviously you’d need to be very conscious of holding onto your baby to ensure they don’t fall off.

Wow you’re amazing! Well done mumma! Have you presented to the council? I’m assuming not as they’d need to house you. Is there any reason why you haven’t?

hey u are going to give yourself a huge pat on the back once you are settled again, honestly im so so proud of you and every other woman that manages to leave these absolute pos’s, please don’t give up
or give in. You will get a home again regardless and it will be YOURS and most importantly you and your baby are safe.

I've found somewhere to stay temporarily but it's miles from home. A home I own, and I'm still having to pay the bills towards. I'm on maternity leave so can't afford to pay for somewhere else to live too.

He's still in the house, living life normally whilst we're 'homeless'. Speaks volumes for who he is as a person I guess.

On a positive; baby is sleeping better, my cats are eating again and I don't feel like I've picked up more work being on my own.

I offered to buy him out, and if he gets help with his anger he can see baby as much as possible. I'm being more reasonable than i should be. He refuses to get help for his anger, so he won't ever see baby I guess. The money is ready to go with the bank. He's lying about having a solicitor, so I guess it'll never get sorted as he just keeps responding that his solicitor is looking over the proposals. I dont know what to do, I cant afford a solicitor and I earn too much for legal aid.

Women's Aid will be able to advise and support you, also your health visitor. Have you contacted the Police re. the domestic abuse?
Well done for getting out.

You need to look at the court process for forcing sale of the property. Rights of women may be able to assist in talking through it with you.

Just wanted to pop on here and say well done, I think you are incredibly brave. I know it feels so hard now but you will look back in a few months and be in awe of yourslef

BRAVA! Good for you, OP. It’s bloody impressive the strength you have shown

Yeah it's been reported to the police. He gave me reason to believe he'd harm the baby, which is why I got out when he was at work.

Would forcing the sale not require a solicitor and be extremely expensive? I just want my baby back in her house with her things. We've been living out of a suitcase for 2 weeks now and it's so hard.

I've been in touch with domestic abuse helplines, it all seems like a waiting game at this point. It's making me incredibly sad. I feel like I'm the one being punished and he's won.

As stated, go to Women’s Aid for advice and assistance. Qualifying for legal aid is two fold, your income is taken into account and you must provide evidence of domestic abuse ie supporting statement from DA agency, police report or GP record.
As a matter of urgency, go and see a solicitor if you can afford even 30 minutes with one.
Often you will be allowed to pay monthly after an initial payment for costs.
Also I’m sure some soon to be qualified university law students can provide legal support for free.
Allowing him contact as much as he wants is way off. You have taken a huge and extremely brave and important leap. I wouldn’t be doing contact with your baby either supervised or not. Given the history that’s some way off and not without professional input.
Could any of your or his family intervene re him moving out?

You can self-rep via court to force the sale of the property. It may encourage him to let you buy him out if he realises you will go through with it.

What incentive does he have to leave? Utterly non you are still paying your 50%.

Can you report the abuse to the police and get a non molestation order so you can move back

can you call shelter and women's aid for advice on cancelling your bill payments?