I need to make new friends. How?

[HowToHeal]

Been with my STBXH since I was 19 and I’m now in my early 50s. All of our friends are mutual and whilst they are mostly being great there is a lot of endless chat about his antics (which are quite gossip-worthy) since we split. This is not healthy for me and whilst I won’t be ditching my old friends I feel I need to broaden my social circle with some people who don’t know him at all.

If you managed to do this how did you manage it?

What are your interests? Are there classes or events tied to this that that you could go to?

Theres social groups on apps like Meet Up and on Facebook, join it and if you see an event that looks interesting go.

You’re only going to widen your social circle if you get out there and meet new people,

I started volunteering and made a whole new friendship circle through that. It's easier to get to know people when you've got something in common to work on together. The volunteering was related to my job, so something I was already pretty interested in.

Start attending a class or hobby, much easier to make friends when you have a common interest to chat about

If you were together virtually your entire adult life, and have no non-mutual friends, you’ll inevitably have edited yourself for him. Lean into the stuff you discarded because it didn’t interest him, or it didn’t accord with his idea of you. Every break up takes us back to the person we were before that relationship. Who were you at 19? What other directions might your life have taken?

A few people have suggested revisiting who I was before I met him. Well when I was 19 I was all about Marlboro Lights, cider, Sting and Terry Pratchett. I'm not sure I can relate to that version of me anymore. 😂

@CaffeinatedSeagull I keep seeing those meet up things. I don't know anyone who has been on. Are they actually any good?

You don’t know until you try

Meetup is as varied as the people who organise it. One Meetup in a city I often visit has been an absolute boon, dance activity where one table is advertised as the meet up table where people who arrive without a partner can socialise and secure partners dance by dance.

Id encourage a scatter gun approach, go to lots and lots of different activities and stick with one or two which seem interesting.

So long as you enjoy the activity, anything else is a bonus and can take some time to develop.

good luck

Yes. As long as you pick ones / groups that match what you want to do.

My area has lots on there. At moments there’s events centered around: social coffees, dining, nights out, gigs, walking, reading, board games… so lots to choose from.

Every group and event I’ve been to the people have been welcoming and friendly.

I came here to say Meet Up, as other have already mentioned. There are walking groups on meet up so you can meet a variety of people. Not sure if there is an upper age limit for The Lonely Girl club. As previous posters have said, join a club, be it crafting, netball, walking football. I got added to a crafty Monday WhatsApp group by mistake and it seems like they take their own different crafts and just do them together and seemingly made friends with eachother, I’d go but Mondays not good for me!! . Look up Empty Chairs - it’s a pub meet-up for lonely people. A friend of mine made loads of friends by joining the gym and doing classes and asking people for coffee (at gym coffee shop) afterwards. Go to your local WI. See if the local college or council run adult evening classes. I’ve done various art classes and language classes (still a master at none!). Basically you have to put yourself out there. If nothing is going on, create a local meet up, even if it’s just playing cards at the pub, see who shows up.