How should I start a difficult first breakup conversation?

[ThatCalicoCat]

I've been considering stepping back from my relationship for a while because I've become increasingly unhappy, but I'm unsure when to bring it up and how to start the conversation.

My boyfriend and I haven't talked in almost a week, which makes it even more awkward. Should I wait for him to reach out first, or should I be the one to start the discussion?

This is my first relationship and potentially my first breakup, so I'd really appreciate any advice from people who have been through something similar.

How old are you and how long have you been together?

If you want to end it, I'd reach out and ask if you can catch up and say you'd like to talk.

I’m 24 he’s 21 and we’re long distance. We’ve been a couple for 6 months (Have known each other and be close friend for almost a year before starting a relationship)

Lately I feel like this is not gonna work because the way he treat me make me feel sad and lonely like I’m the only person in this relationship trying to hold everything together all by myself. I feel like I’m out of his priority list for a while and I’ve talked to him about this more than 5 times and nothing change. He just told me “I don’t know what to do” “I don’t know how to fix your loneliness” “Maybe this is the new me and maybe this is me in the next 50 years” So I gave up trying cuz it just sounds like nothing gonna change anyway

I don't think you need to do anything really - if you haven't heard from him in a week then it's already ended. I'd just chalk it down to experience and move on with your life without any further communication - it's not necessary.

Here you are after he’s been crap for a while twisting yourself in knots to be nice about this. How about you cut yourself some slack and think if he were trying I wouldn’t be so miserable, and say
’hi, I’ve been thinking and we just aren’t working out. No hard feelings I hope.’

Sounds like he wants to finish it but hasn’t got the nerve to do so. Just message and say, ‘Hi Bob, our relationship has run its course. It was fun while it lasted and now it’s time to move on. Wishing you all the best, Calico’

You’ve only meet 3 times and he is ignoring your messages. Do you ever talk on the phone? Not just messaging?

I would ring him and tell him it was nice but not working for you anymore and then block anymore contact. If he doesn’t answer then a text is fine as it isn’t a proper relationship. Whatever you do block him on everything afterwards.

I would call him and break up with him. If you haven’t spoken in a week it’s pretty obvious it’s coming.

I would just send him a message - something along the lines of I've decided that this relationship isn't working for me so I think it's time to end it now. Wish you well and take care. That's all you need to say, there doesn't need to be a discussion.

You’re already ‘not together ‘ so just leave it . Get on with your life

If you haven't talked in almost a week he may well be fading you out anyway. Stop worrying about his feelings, he is not too concerned about yours. I would either just leave it, you may not hear from again anyway. Or I would text "This really is not working for me. Let's call it a day." He's not even in the same country, right?

I would text and just say look we havent talked in a week. clearly neither of us are invested so its probably best to call time or the relationship.
Wish him luck with his future endevours and then move on with your life....

@ThatCalicoCat - i saw your previous posts also. This is straightforward because he’s been telling you in various ways that he’s not that interested and can’t give you what you want. You actually don’t need another conversation. You can just text him and say that this isn’t working for you and you are ending it. You should also go no contact for at least a while to help you get over him. Don’t try to be friends - it won’t work. I would suggest blocking him.

It sounds like you need to work on building friendships and relationships where you live. What has been stopping you from doing that?

Update:

I ended the relationship.

I told him that we hadn't really connected for almost a week, and during that time I had a lot of opportunities to reflect on us and how I've been feeling. After thinking about it for a long time, I told him that I thought it would be better for us to step back from the relationship.

His response hurt, but it also gave me the closure I needed.

He admitted that for a long time he had been struggling with the relationship and had realized that he didn't actually want to be in one. Instead of facing that, he kept hoping things would somehow work themselves out when we met again in person. He said he felt guilty because this was my first relationship, so he kept dragging things out even though he already had doubts.

He also acknowledged that he pushed me aside, avoided dealing with the situation, and treated me poorly in the process. He apologized and said I didn't deserve to go through any of it.

As painful as it was to read, it confirmed something I had been feeling for months. Something was wrong, and deep down both of us knew it. And now I've finally realized that Love shouldn't feel this lonely.

It's time for me to choose myself and start moving forward. Thank you to everyone who shared their opinions, advice, and experiences

Sounds like it went about as well as could be hoped for. Welcome to your first full cycle of dating.