DH always crap with cards

[Chiaseedling]

It’s our WA and I produced a card I’d bought on Moonpig end of last week (ordered DD’s bday card at same time) and dh says ‘we’ll do cards later’, which means he hasn’t got one.

Granted it’s been a very busy week for dh workwise but he has access to the internet, last week wasn’t as busy so he could’ve been organised.

We are going out later - which was me saying a couple of weeks ago ‘what shall we do?’ - then we had a quick chat and decided, which is fine, we’re in our 50s, not newlyweds.

Unfortunately it’s a real habit of DH’s not to buy a card in time for V day (I don’t care so much about that) and anniversary. Then he moans he doesn’t get a card from the adult DCs for Father’s Day (i am not reminding them - I did mention it to DD about a week ago). It makes me feel a bit shit and there’s always an excuse. If it was a one-off u wouldn’t care.

He does get my bday card in time but he can be really crap w presents and now I give him a specific list and say ‘check w DD if you’re not sure’. One year he gave me a sat nav ffs (about 10 years ago) - I used it once! That year I got him back by giving him an equally crap present and he got the hint.

I can empathise, I like a card more than anything else. I mostly don't want a fuss on occasions or extravagant presents, but a card tells me you planned! Surely a card is so much easier to organise too!!

Does he show he loves you in other ways or is this an indication of a larger issue?

My husband is generally shit at cards. But he’s always been like that (26 years together), and is an excellent husband. I’m now not generally a card person, I’ve come round to his way of thinking, it’s a complete waste of money.

He’s not ‘crap with cards’. He just doesn’t care enough. If he cared he would organise it.

You deserve better.

Yes. I mean, it’s not a surprise that birthdays, anniversaries etc come round annually. They don’t shift about like Easter or Eid!

Same! I hate a big fuss - but a card is personal and i like looking back at old cards to see what we were doing at that point and what our ‘in jokes’ were.

He’s a good husband on the whole but can be a bit thoughtless about a few minor things ie, he’ll pity his clean washing away but not mine - so now I do the same. But he’ll take the heavy just washed laundry basket upstairs and hang it up.
I’ve also got health issues and he’s very solicitous when I’m not well (which is fairly rare).

It does piss me off but I think he’s just generally crap at this sort of thing, I think it’s a case of ‘well we’ve been together over 30 years so she won’t mind’, being really busy (he is but now he has to go and physically get a card - I did it online as I knew getting to a good shop would be difficult and I’d have to pick from a crap selection).
it’s my bday in a few weeks so let’s see how he does with that! I’ve got my list ready…

That is very true!!