How to discuss security and housing plans in later life together

[WhaatNext]

I moved in with my partner seven months ago. We are both retired and in our 60s. We live in his house, mine was sold several months ago and we are intending to stay in his house. His is house is in need of a lot of work, we are talking complete redecoration, new kitchen, bathroom... The garden is big and needs a lot of upkeep.
My dilemma is whether to stay in his house, which would most likely be for the next 10-15 years or to move to somewhere needing less work. He has not been motivated to keep on top of updating/repairs to his home and our intention is to make it a lovely home. He is keen to do whatever I want to achieve this and be happy in his home. I want a serious conversation with him about our relationship and future. We are absolutely committed and although I don't want to get married I want to feel secure about my future. To spend so much time and effort on his house I would like to be able to stay in the house should he die before me. I want to sort this out before we do much more on the house really. Financially I am secure and could buy my own place or buy with him jointly. I feel my efforts would then be for me too. For context he doesn't have children and hasn't made a will. I don't need to inherit or need anything financially from him. I want to broach the subject of being allowed to stay here in the event of his death but would appreciate opinions as tothe best way to talk to him about this and whether it is too soon in our relationship of living together. I can talk to him about anything and we have a good relationship but this feels a difficult conversation to have. What would you?

I think you just need to say to him you need to talk about it. It's perfectly reasonable to want to discuss your future. You don't want to sink your savings into a house that doesn't belong to you. Perhaps the best thing would be to buy a house together.

You both need to have a will. If you don't have a will and you don't have any dependents or family your money will go to the state. You could always consider a civil partnership if you don't want to get married, which will help protect you both as you get older.

I worry about his lack of interest in keeping his home up together . Is a slob generally or will you be expected to keep on top of repairs etc . I’m not sure I’d plough money time and energy into this house . I think you need to jointly buy a new home that doesn’t need work and make it very clear that maintenance etc will be a joint effort . I wouldn’t do it yet though as 7 months is too short a time to really know if you’re compatible living together.

It's not really your home if you are worried about being 'allowed to stay there's if he dies. You need more security than that. Everything you are asking for in terms of discussing this with him is more than reasonable..I would hope that he would be able to see this very easily. I wouldn't plough savings and energy into a house you have no stake in. Also sounds like you would be doing most of the leg work if he has not had the oomph for home improvements so far.

Personally, I wouldn't frame this as "being allowed to stay in it in the event of his death", I'd word it as wanting to have joint ownership of a property now, when you're both still alive. This could be either through you investing in his current property (presumably you have money from the sale of your house) or buying a new place together. You do need wills too of course.

For me arrangements in a will would never be enough. Wills can always be changed and you never know how things will turn out. I think you need to have part ownership of the house you end up living in. Whether that’s this house or another is up to you (although I’d be be going for the fresh start myself).

Just realised I’d got ahead of myself and hadn’t actually answered your question. No, it’s absolutely not too early to have the conversation. If this is the point at which you’re plowing in a bunch of your savings, then it’s the point at which to have the conversation. No way should you be committing your future qithout any assurances. And don’t get fobbed off kicking the can down the road. A good man would understand.

I think the time to have that difficult conversation was probably before you moved in! But yes, you definitely need to talk about it now. You say you don't want to get married but would you consider a civil partnership? It would certainly make things easier and clearer when it comes to inheritance and also next of kin medical decisions.

A civil partnership gives the same rights as marriage, it can also fuck you over in a split, pensions and savings.

There are tax reasons to marry if your estates are big enough.

You should have discussed all this before moving in. Do you have children op? Because you have only mentioned he doesn’t, I have nieces that I adore who are included in my will. You both need wills asap.

I would consider civil partnership. I have children and my will leaves everything to them. I wonder what implications that would have. I would need to update my will but a civil partnership would give me security and be good for tax reasons. I wanted to live together first before making any serious long term commitments. But now is the time for a serious discussion. I honestly hadn't realised how much work needs doing on his house!

What are you doing with the proceeds from your house sale?

I wouldn't spend anything on renovations to his home unless you become joint owners.