Last February, I met a guy 10 days before Valentine’s Day. A couple of days later he was already calling me baby and by Valentine’s Day, after all the exchange of gifts, he asked to make it official and I said yes to him. Everything was smooth in the beginning until a few months after I noticed that he didn’t trust or believe anything I said. Like each time I said something to him or told him I was going somewhere for example I kinda had to prove it. I brushed it off and told myself that if I had to prove myself trustworthy to make this work, I was willing to do it.
After another couple of months he suggested we turn on our live locations and I agreed, I thought it was cute just having to know where each person was. One day while I was at work he started messaging me about how I was in my room during work hours, what was I doing there. I tried to tell him I was at work just doing a different task in the building where the rooms were. He insisted that I wasn’t working because when I’m at work I’m usually in a certain area. He then proceeded to video call me. Mind you, phones are very controlled at my work place. He was video calling me and saying I wasn’t being honest with him and other things. Next thing he turned his off saying I could turn mine off since that’s what I always wanted.
At the early stages of the relationship he said we had to tell each other everything from our past so we could start on a clean slate. I didn’t think anything of it so I told him every single thing down to the first person I slept with. He didn’t do the same, he just told me it wasn’t important he had moved on. There’s a guy that I’ve been friends with since I was 17. We dated briefly in 2019, it didn’t work and we went back to being friends. I also told him about the guy and it went downhill from there. He often asked me questions like “what if we have a fight and you go running into his arms”. I kept assuring him that wasn’t going to happen.
At some point, he asked me if I couldn’t block the guy. I told him I could and I would eventually but this is a long time friend that hasn’t done anything to me. Imagine just blocking him out of the blues. He kept on bringing it up every few weeks until I eventually blocked the guy everywhere down to Duolingo. After a while I found out that this same guy that was on my neck to block this person was talking to someone he used to date as well. When I asked he said it wasn’t the same because he and the girl aren’t that close. I just went and quietly unblocked my friend on iMessage and WhatsApp only.
This is getting so long but there were so many other things. Silent treatment one time I slept off and didn’t answer the phone. Mind you, it was 11pm in my location. Accusing me of crazy things and saying I was moving somehow because a male colleague that worked in my workplace kitchen gave me food.
One time we met, he searched my phone and I told him how it wasn’t fair how he always treated me like I was a criminal. He would randomly interrogate me about things I told him in the past like my body count and if I get upset, he’d say he was just seeking clarity and me being defensive meant I was hiding something.
One time last year, I went to see him and he asked me the last time I spoke to my ex and I just told him it had been a while. He then demanded for my phone and went through it and he saw that it was days ago I spoke to him. I tried deleting the chats but it was still in recently deleted so he went through everything. I also changed his name to a different name because I didn’t want him to know that I unblocked him back. He then went through the chat and said I lied to him and that there was actually nothing in the chat so why did I feel the need to delete it. I apologized and told him why I did it. He accepted and we continued dating.
5 months later, 2 days to our anniversary he broke up with me. He said that I didn’t really want him, and was just using him as a placeholder, and he was just a second option. He said if my friend comes back to say he wanted me I wouldn’t choose him, he said I lied to him so he can’t even believe a word of what I say anymore and that he can’t cope with the distance anymore. He said when he asked for my location to be on, I claimed he was monitoring me too much and so many other things. We live in the same country and 3 out of 4 times, I flew to see him.
The story is much longer but I just highlighted the most important parts. My heart is shattered. I know I did wrong by trying to hide the contact but it wasn’t because I was messing around, I was scared of his reaction and I regret it.