What helped you feel grounded during separation or stints away from home?

[Unfawning]

NC for this. DP and I have had a very rough time together and separately, and have both decided we need to separate for a while. (We are in therapy together & are not throwing in the towel). My dc are adults and live elsewhere. I’ve brought up my DP’s kids since they were tiny so we’ll arrange things so I can see them. We haven’t fully decided what separation looks like except for me staying elsewhere. I have a couple of friends who live in/near my city who’ve said I can stay, and other friends in different parts of the country who’ve offered space, but I won’t have my own permanent room anywhere. We’re not at the stage of me moving all my stuff out. I don’t have the means to rent a separate place while financially contributing in our home but I could afford the odd night in a hotel or advance train fares to stay with friends who don’t expect payment. My work is hybrid so I could plan to be in my city 3-4 days and elsewhere 3-4 days over the next few weeks while we take stock.

While being out of the house will probably be a relief in one way, I’m worried about feeling lost and floaty. Any thoughts about what I could take with me physically or what I could do to help me feel grounded? Have you had to live nomadically for a while? What made it more bearable?

BTW I don’t have a car so I have to pack light. I’m panicking but need to take one step at a time. I’m not unsafe, but this current situation is not good for me and my mental health has taken a massive battering. I’m in a precarious position (self employed, not much work, no assets) but lucky enough to have some money in the bank and lots of supportive friends and family around the country if not many locally.) I’m struggling to think of what I should pack!

Can you ask for his help, money wise? If it's not a rend, and just basically time away from each other, to help the relationship heal, it feels like you should both support that equally?

Yeah, we need to have that conversation. But tbh, I don’t think we’re quite at the stage of me renting a place yet, while there are places for me to go. I don’t actually want to rent a place anyway, because I don’t even know if I’d want to stay in this city. Everything feels up in the air!

To be honest, if it was me, I'd me thinking more short term. Even if it was a case of 'I need help getting a week in a cheap airbnb' or something.

Putting myself in his position, putting my partner on friends couches would not be okay, at all.

It won’t be couches, it’ll be in people’s spare rooms - mainly friends whose kids have left home. TBH I think I’d prefer being around friends at the moment to being on my own in an airbnb. I’ve also been offered some house-sitting in an amazing location I’ve stayed in before, so that’ll be really restorative. The substantive issue isn’t where I am, it’s that it may be fairly temporary and I’ll probably be moving around while we work out what’s happening.

But I MASSIVELY appreciate your perspective, @SilenceLaySteadily, because my tendency is to ask for very little. I’m not v good at working out (and asking for) what I need.