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Talk to me about petty resentment…

12 replies

Nighttimeistherightime · 14/06/2026 22:33

We have lived in this house for 7 years. For the past 6 the front garden has been a disaster. I have weeded, pruned, cut down and generally sweated over it. Recently we’ve had gardeners in and they have revamped it. Well, since then my DP of 9 years has been out there keeping up with the weeding and generally making it look lovely. Today, after finally clearing a good 4 years of shitty detritus collected only by his sweet self, he decided to weed the rest of the front drive.
If this man could have erected himself a podium, blasted out an anthem and received a bouquet he would have. I’ve cleared and cooked as I always do, walked the dog, prepared for my week at work and made lunch for us all tomorrow and yet… no podium place for me. In fact when I praised his efforts with an admittedly barbed comment about how I understood his exhaustion, given my many years of gardening endeavour out there, I heard a tut. And yes, a brief head shake of outrage that I’d try and claim any glory for my past efforts.
Is this just me? I realise I am a boiling cess pit of menopausal resentment in general as I’ve allowed myself to become a doormat, despite once being an absolute feminist machine but I don’t think it’s just my partner. Are other men oblivious to their partner’s efforts in this way?

OP posts:
ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 14/06/2026 22:51

Can't talk you down, pet - I feel exactly the same as you.

Most of them think they deserve a gold medal for five minutes' work, from the woman who does 175 minutes work without a 'thanks' or it even being noticed.

Absolutelydonewithit · 15/06/2026 03:10

Ugh. Fucks sake. I’ve got one of those. I can ignore the puffed out chest scenario to some degree but it’s the current rewriting of the history of being a shitty husband that enrages me.

No talking down from me either.

PrincessFairyWren · 15/06/2026 03:50

Sorry. I have the same experience. My H will tell people what “we” have done in the garden when he hasn’t even touched it.

Waiting for someone to come along and tell us to praise poor little men who aren’t appreciated for their hard work.

sashh · 15/06/2026 04:02

It just shows how men view work in the house and garden. If they do it then it is exhausting and a real achievement, even if it only lasted a couple of hours.

Things they view as 'woman's work' is of no value to them.

Nighttimeistherightime · 15/06/2026 06:22

Ah. I feel seen sisters! When I shampooed the carpet last week (as he’d left his spilt coffee stain for 3 weeks) I was met not with a ‘thanks babe- so sorry’ but ‘none asked you to do it’.
The 20 year old me wouldn’t recognise herself…
How did I get here?

OP posts:
Twodogsisbetterthanone · 15/06/2026 06:29

I’ve started doing the same, announcing things I’ve done and expecting the pat on the head. I’m wondering if he will notice how ridiculous it is?

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 15/06/2026 16:16

Nighttimeistherightime · 15/06/2026 06:22

Ah. I feel seen sisters! When I shampooed the carpet last week (as he’d left his spilt coffee stain for 3 weeks) I was met not with a ‘thanks babe- so sorry’ but ‘none asked you to do it’.
The 20 year old me wouldn’t recognise herself…
How did I get here?

Boiling frog, love.

I, er, don't want to make things worse but Im with one of the good ones now. Sees a job and does it, i do thank him but hes not like a puffed up bantam cock just because he picked up one of his own fallen feathers.

Highlights what a soul sucking life leech the others have been. Ex-h criticised me for not scrubbing the floor enough once - his house is so filthy that when you put a glass down onto the table, it sticks.

Nighttimeistherightime · 15/06/2026 18:53

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 15/06/2026 16:16

Boiling frog, love.

I, er, don't want to make things worse but Im with one of the good ones now. Sees a job and does it, i do thank him but hes not like a puffed up bantam cock just because he picked up one of his own fallen feathers.

Highlights what a soul sucking life leech the others have been. Ex-h criticised me for not scrubbing the floor enough once - his house is so filthy that when you put a glass down onto the table, it sticks.

He’s so down on himself and takes every minute criticism (or perceived criticism) so badly that I try not to ever point anything out anymore. He still thinks I’m hyper critical so I’m clearly not getting things right!
Definitely a dog being boiled!!

OP posts:
category12 · 15/06/2026 19:01

Nighttimeistherightime · 15/06/2026 18:53

He’s so down on himself and takes every minute criticism (or perceived criticism) so badly that I try not to ever point anything out anymore. He still thinks I’m hyper critical so I’m clearly not getting things right!
Definitely a dog being boiled!!

Oh I hate that, playing the woe-is-me card to get you to STFU.

It works too. 👀

Very convenient that you're just a pernickety martinet.

Nighttimeistherightime · 15/06/2026 19:13

category12 · 15/06/2026 19:01

Oh I hate that, playing the woe-is-me card to get you to STFU.

It works too. 👀

Very convenient that you're just a pernickety martinet.

Frog of course… not a dog 😂

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ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 16/06/2026 09:12

So you don't dare ever give him feedback that something needs to be done differently, but you have to praise hom for anything he does?

What is he, a toddler-teenager hybrid?

Nighttimeistherightime · 16/06/2026 15:16

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 16/06/2026 09:12

So you don't dare ever give him feedback that something needs to be done differently, but you have to praise hom for anything he does?

What is he, a toddler-teenager hybrid?

That’s about the size of it …

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