help- struggling

[Huskyfan68]

married 2.5 years- also had cancer 3 years ago and have follow up scans/bloodwork every 6 months- My wife goes on a long weekend "girls" trip every year- maybe 3 years before we were married i had a biopsy while she was away and was told it was back- I had called her while she was away and as you can imagine- i was very distraught over the news- At that time she did not return home until girls trip was over (2 hour drive)- I was hurt and has always been a sore subject being i was obviously very upset- Fast forward to 2026- I now have my next scan next Monday- This falls on the last day of her annual trip- I am obviously very anxious/worried about the scans as i would think most would be- When i told her about the date- she simply stated- i will be coming home that day so i will see you at night- I know what most will say- why did you get married- I am not looking for that- I am having trouble understanding why my spouse would even question not going- I have expressed my worries and angst about going alone. just trying to understand- Am i asking too much for her to accompany me? If it were reversed -it would not even be a thought- I would come home early no questions asked- Please do not attack me!-- Just looking for some open opinions

Does she go to all the other six monthly appointments?

yes- she knows how hard it is for me going solo- she will take off work etc- seems the girls trip trumps- that is where is struggle especially on the last day

Why are you having the appointments while she is away? You can reschedule the appointments if you want support to attend them. If it's a biannual appointment, it is always going to fall on her annual trip. Id reschedule the appointment so it doesn't continue to fall like that. I understand you wanting the support and wanting her to be present.

i cannot control- they involve going into NY city to Sloan and it's very difficult to reschedule- I am having a hard time understanding how you would think her weekend is more important

I dont think her weekend girls trip is more important. I think that your appointment is always going to fall on her annual trip so if you could reschedule your appointment once then that issue will be resolved. She could try to reschedule the trip but that might be tricky depending on how many people are involved.

I think her perspective might be different from yours. She might view this as a biannual check up. She might think the likelihood of you getting results there and then is slim. She might think she'll be home that day and she can support you then.

The thing is people get fixed in their view point. You've decided that she thinks her holiday is more important than you. You have no idea how she thinks or what she feels.

I had an opposite situation. My partner had a colonoscopy and I didn’t even question if I had to go to the hospital with him. We took our two young kids (a baby and a toddler) and went to the hospital.
He then asked to drop him off at the drop off point and then said I can go home. I said no, I’ll go with you and I’ll wait once the procedure is finished. Anyway to cut a long story short, me and the kids waited for over 2 hours in the hospital (which I was fine with, we had breakfast in there etc) however once all of us came back home, he made this massive issue that I shouldn’t have went there and it looked like he was a child and no ones else had anybody with them waiting in the waiting area. So yeah, I don’t get that either….

The only thing I could think of, maybe it’s stressful for her to go there and she feels anxious too? I know it’s not an excuse as you are the one who’s getting the scans, but for me it would be very stressful. I would go without the doubt and would make every single effort to be there, but everyone is different I guess.

However good luck at the scan! Hope everything goes well.

i understand that Sunrise but sometimes you have to put that person first even if uncomfortable for you- that is what marriage is about- there are many things/times I am uncomfortable in situation (like when her mother was dying)- I was there every time i was needed - I may not have liked it but in those times it was not about me

Well what has she said when you’ve told her how you feel about this?

very open an upfront- i am always very anxious and would always love to have someone with me (especially my wife)- of course i wish it was different and dates did not conflict- But going into the city by yourself- (sometimes getting meds and dyes injected) which don't make me feel good- I always welcome the person i cherish most- She is still getting 3 days and 3 nights of her trip