Signs of cheating

[Natalie270]

My husband is away working & has been distant since. He says it’s because he’s busy with work & tired but I was wondering if there are any signs to look for to see if he may be cheating? Not sure what to look for. Thanks

Mine became distant, didn’t want to spend any time together, wouldn’t make any plans for the future, acted generally miserable, picked fights over small things, spoke to me like shit. The worst thing was if we accidentally touched he would snatch away from me as if he’d been scalded.

edited to add - he also had temper tantrums over the smallest things.

Sorry to hear that. May I ask how did you find out? I can’t find any proof so I’m not sure how to find out for sure

His affair partner had tagged him on Instagram (he told her he was divorced) and he confessed to an emotional affair but I later found love notes in his work bag.

Have a calm face to face talk with him and tell him you how you are feeling. Then decide based on his reaction

Thanks for the response. I did & he seemed shocked that I had even suspected such a thing. He completely denied it & said he couldn’t love anyone but me. I just don’t know why I’m suspecting this

My husband was distant, was less inclined to laugh at our in-jokes and things just felt different, he talked less, didn’t tell me the little things of his day. Then one day we were out. I was looking at him across a room, I was sitting down and he was in a queue across the room. We caught eyes and it hit me in the chest, he was having an affair. If you’ve always been close and then suddenly there’s no softening in his eyes when he looks at you, you’ll know.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, it will eat away at you, things to look out for:

Distancing himself from you
Showing no interest in making plans with you
Unusual routine changes
Putting his phone on silent or face down
Unusual sex patterns (Guilt Sex, if he actually feels guilty)
Taking more pride in his appearance

Only you know what normal looks like in your relationship, look for things that are out of the norm. Good luck, i’ve been on the receiving end of a few cheating women and all i know is that every time i knew it was happening, look for the signs.

Thanks alot for the response. The only one he does is delete his WhatsApp messages but he’s always done that since I met him as he doesn’t like to keep read messages. I’m not sure if that’s enough to go on though

@Natalie270 on it’s own that wouldn’t be enough for me to suspicious.

The fact that you are thinking something could be happening is a huge one, especially without any cheating or past behaviour from him before. Trust yourself.

Mattress clinging - they sleep as far as possible away from you on the edge of the mattress and avoid all possible contact in bed.

Creating arguments out of nothing - this is make you look like an unreasonable monster and no wonder they’re seeking romantic solace elsewhere.

So, you say he has only been distant since he starting working away. Has he given uou any reason not to trust him? What is making you think he has cheated?

yep, all the signs. i'd say start focusing on yourself.

Everything here, distance, phone constantly attached to body and face down when not, creating petty arguments, being extra snappy (this extends to the kids sadly), belittling you, snide comments, etc etc but the worst is the hardening in the eyes. That’s exactly it as @KojaksLollipop says. Oh and new moves in the bedroom, that’s a gut punch.

It’s a horrible feeling knowing your safe person is just not there anymore. I hope that very little of this is ringing true for you @Natalie270

The first sign for me was contact whilst away dwindling, then only calling at a certain time. This was the start of a complete double life and what unfolded was quite unbelievable. Calling on his way home from work - because then that could be ticked off the list, if I tried to call outside of that calls would go unanswered (because he was out / with someone else). New clothes when he did come home.. he even bought new bedding telling me his current duvet set was looking a bit tatty. When he did visit us at home he’d nip pick at me, looking back that was to justify his actions. Needless to say he’s an ex husband now! Working away gives them a free pass and many take it as a golden opportunity to do what they want. Trust your gut - it’s very rarely wrong!

I experienced the distance and the picking fights over nothing. With hindsight he had stopped seeing me as a person worthy of his care, probably because that was the only way he could do what he was doing while still believing that he was a good person. It was easier for it to be my fault than to look at his own actions. At the time I was convinced it must be me and I should be kinder to him and more understanding as the idea that he might have an affair of any kind was so genuinely unthinkable. Once I saw it I couldn’t believe that I had been so blind, but I trusted him completely and it was so out of character that I thought it must be me. He changed beyond recognition for that period which was the hardest thing of all, I felt like I never even knew him.

I sincerely hope this isn’t the case for you op, but the fact that you even suspect tells me that something is amiss. If you are proved right remember that you are not alone and that none of this is your fault.

I would just say that the thread itself is not doing you any favours @Natalie270 . You get points like "clinging to the edge of the mattress" etc. Think about it with a clear head, every person is different, every person's sense of morality or guilt is different, and they deal with them differently internally, and especially externally. Just because's Sue and Jane's cheating partners sweated a lot before a work trip, it does not mean that some other cheating partner would be the same. There are many variables stemming from how different people are from one another... So please, do take everything with a grain of salt, do not be certain about signs that might not even be there - because right now you are actively searching for these, these could easily deceive you.

I am not saying the husband is faithful, nor do I say that he is cheating. You should be the one who knows him the best, knowing what his behaviour means, and not drawing parallels between other women's cheating partners and your own. That is a dead end.

One thing is for certain, there is no trust. Whether you want to do something with that mistrust is up to you. Embrace it and do investigation to get proof for potential cheating (there are so many ways), or not. Also, with the lack of trust there cannot be a functioning, healthy relationship, so definitely do something..

Sometimes you just know, for me and my ex wife there were all of the usual signs said here, locked phone when it wasnt before was the main one then I found a pair of hold up stockings, she had never ever worn them before.
I did speak a to a few people who knew us and they all said I was being silly as she just wasn't the type, but I just knew something was going on. When it all came out the only surprise was with who the guy was, totally the last guy I would have ever expected.

OP, best of luck and hopefully you are wrong on this

That’s a good point thanks

He used to call constantly & talk in a very loving way. He’s been cold & distant on the phone. He’s also going out with new friends often & sometimes later than usual which he never did before. He’s also commented that a few women tried to chat him up but he said he was married