Mum has no social life

[roaconstrictor]

My mum is a single (widowed 5 years ago) mum of 4, 3 of whom are flown(ish) nest adults with their own social lives, university degree programmes and employment situations.

I’ve come home from uni for the summer and it’s become glaringly apparent my mum has no social life outside of work and our local church community. She used to at least garden but most of the plants are dead or dying now and she just sits inside for the majority of the day, every day, and just watches Facebook, TikTok or IG Reels. I’ve probed about her screen time and tried to mention to her how problematic that kind of screen usage is and she insists she ‘cutting down’ but will just watch hours of short form content a day. The church is kind of dwindling too and she basically only socialises there with church ppl.

I want her to help herself. I’ll be at uni a lot of the time, my brother does live here but he has a job and uni. What could I do to help her help herself?

How old is your mum? She sounds like she’s tuning out the real world and just passing the hours.

Would she go to U3A? Google it, my mum goes and has found it very enjoyable.

Introduce her to 'University of the Third Age' so she can meet new people based on shared interests.

She sounds depressed. I’ve been there and do exactly this. It’s mindless and I can tune out.

She’s probably just enjoying the peace after 4 children. She will probably start going out more when she wants too x

Me too, it’s horrible.

Might she be persuaded to visit the GP?

Go in the garden with her? She’ll get fresh air, see if she’ll join in if you dig or weed or whatever it is people do in gardens?

Ask her in conversation what she used to do before having you, and your siblings ?
See if it reminds her of what she used to enjoy ?

That said, some people are joiners / doers, and other people aren't. She might be perfectly happy being able to just do nothing / please herself after a lifetime of working and bringing up 4 dc, plus of course the sad loss of her dh.

Sorry for your loss - it must have been incredibly difficult for all of you to have lost your Dad at such a young age.

I agree with this. Can you suggest doing something with her that she might enjoy? Visit a garden perhaps? Have tea out afterwards.

Does she not work? She needs to face her addiction and ditch the phone. You are thoughtful to care about her this much. She could volunteer, so many opportunities out there,..
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