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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Should I warn my friend more strongly about someone I introduced?

28 replies

Neonspongecake · 13/06/2026 19:32

I could do with some advice on this situation which involved a friend of mine. Sorry this all got a bit wordy but I didn't want to drip feed.

We are good friends and we have started a business venture together, although we have not launched yet, and we are currently in the refinement phase where we are looking for feedback and tips. As part of this we both reached out to contacts and friends who'd be familiar or experts on the topic.

We met with a friend and former colleague of mine whose opinion I really value. We always got on well and worked really well together, but we have since moved on into different directions. As much as I value him as a friend and SME, I also think that he is complete sociopath. He has never done anything to me personally, but I know what he is like.

Since the meeting he has reached out to my friend/ business partner privately and she seems excited and happy. I've told her that he is a bit dodgy and that I don't think this would be a good idea thinking that this might make her think twice, but clearly it hasn't.

I'm feeling uneasy and I can't help feeling that it will be my fault if this goes bad, because I had introduced him as a friend. I would consider her a bit vulnerable, too. But I don't really know how to push this further without looking like I want to sabotage her which I don't. DH is telling me to just stay out of it which I considered but I just feel like I made a huge mistake and I don't know how to mitigate it.

OP posts:

15minsofrowing · 15/06/2026 06:49

Neonspongecake · 14/06/2026 20:09

Thanks for some good advice and I have decided that I will speak to her. I have not witnessed him being violent. As I said I was going by things that he had casually mentioned himself. I have seen bad behaviour in the workplace but that should be irrelevant as I simply wanted advice on a specific topic. I don't see why all of these details were necessary to divulge if I had outlined from the start why I was uneasy about the situation. And no, he was and always will be a colleague or now ex colleague and I stand by what I said.

Thanks for the advice and I will speak to her

And then focus on yourself OP.

Being friends with someone who has admitted violent and abusive behaviour would indicate someone pretty desperate for friends and a very very low benchmark.

Therapy perhaps

15minsofrowing · 15/06/2026 06:50

And as an aside… how unbelievably unprofessional. Of them both really. Trying to kick start a business and already getting distracted by the possibility of bit on the side

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 15/06/2026 06:59

Yes, You need to really clearly explain now includong the violence.
Saying hes a "bit dodgy" is no warning at all

If she has any romantic notions you should def recommend she stay far away from him.
If she wont do that as a minimum she should do a clares law request.

Separately while i can square the circle sort of on you using him professionally.... i no clue why you "value him as a friend" 😵‍💫

he has been violent and or abusive in the past.... he didn't care when I told him what I thought. He is very good at his job though.

Is being good at a job the benchmark for friendship?
Read this again... maybe think about the company you keep. People like this can turn on a dime.

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