Libido not aligning with husband

[DreamyLimeWasp]

Does anyone else have it where you and your partner are out of sync with wanting sex. My husband can try it on with me and I am tired / not horny. Then a few days later I can be desperate for him, but he seems uninterested. I just wish we could both want it at the same time because I need it. I just end up doing it myself but it doesn't compare

Maybe he is tired/not horny

When you say it like that I seem crazy.. but it's all I can think about

Is this some kind of power play between you?

Maybe have a regular date night where you're both focused on spending time together and building up some anticipation for sex?

No power play, but we have 2 young kids (under 4), so that makes things slightly more difficult. That is a good idea though as date nights have faded away since having kids

Some people find the deeply unsexy sounding scheduling sex (eg Friday and Tuesday night) actually works really well for them. Worth trying anyway.

Thank you, will discuss this with husband. I think I find it so difficult as I'm a SAHM, I being thinking about sex in the day and then build myself up only for him to not want it. If we have days arranged (as unromantic as it sounds) perhaps it could work

Is there any kind of pattern to it?

As DP and I have aged, we started having a problem with wanting sex at different times. She's always been a sex at bed time person, whereas I'm most up for it in the morning, and after about 9pm it's just not happening (literally. I'm a bloke and as I've gotten older I just can't maintain an erection reliably when I'm tired). It's meant we've had to compromise, more day time sex or early evening, or if we both happen to be awake in the middle of the night ( having a dickhead of a cat who wants to be let out at 4am is helpful for this!)

So it's worth looking for a pattern. Is one of you a morning person while the others an evening, or are stress levels an issue and one of you is only up for it at the weekend while you're off work.