Internet dating advice needed

[Rainbowcat77]

Hello, I’m hoping somebody can give me a bit of advice (or tell me to abandon all hope!!)
After 12 years of being in a long relationship then being happily single whilst raising my son, I’ve realised that I’m ready to explore the world of dating again.
I’m in my early 50’s, Lesbian (always have been, not exploring if that’s relevent) professional woman.

I’ve joined a dating site because meeting somebody in real life is a distant dream.
Here’s the thing though, I can’t seem to get conversations off the ground!!

I match with a reasonable amount of people, I like to think I’m friendly, reasonably intelligent, I ask them questions to get the conversation going, I give a little interesting detail about my own life (I have a reasonable amount going on that I can chat about) show an interest in their comments and try to give compliments without being cringy.

but I feel like the women I’m chatting with never seem to ask any questions, show any interest in what I’ve said or volunteer much that helps me to get to know them.

So, either the conversation becomes incredibly hard work because I’m constantly finding things to say to keep it going…or they randomly launch into sex talk after exchanging three messages.

Can any dating gurus give me some advice please…where am I going wrong???

It's a numbers game. You're obviously talking with chancers that fancy a sext chat or more. Put your MH first. If it's hard work bin them off. It's supposed to be fun but in reality you'll need thick skin and resilience. With luck you'll find the right one or someone decent that you can meet with. But you'll have to sort through the dross first.

Ah, not just men who do that then. I hear ya, gets exhausting.
keep going x

Is this pretty normal for dating then and not just me?
I keep thinking there’s some secret formula to doing it correctly!!

it makes being single look quite appealing 😆😆

No apparently not, although I do suspect some of the sex chatters are actually men who have lesbian fantasies but no, I think some women can be just as bad sadly.

The Burned Haystack Dating Method might interest you. It was developed by an academic rhetorician who got very tired while OLD and used her profession to identify red flags. She's straight but her FB group is for everyone except straight men, and her method is useful also for other arenas eg friends, coworkers, clients. Quite a few lesbians comment on her FB page (and their insights are very welcome). I've learned a lot there.

Thank you @LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta I’m off to Google that now!

Aim to meet in person fairly quick.

I don’t really get to know a person over text and lose interest with the back and forth even if I’m attracted to them. Texting kills interest for me. Totally different once I’ve read them in person. Until I’ve sat opposite from them this person isn’t real to me, so I don’t like investing much time in texting beforehand.

Lots of people like me on the apps stating things like - no excessive texting, no penpal dynamics, no sexting etc…

I’ve been on the apps since October and I get exhausted from them but every date I’ve been on becomes data and over time I spot patterns, adjust my profile and show up differently.

That's just how it is - most people are either dim or dull.

Just grit your teeth and prepare for it to take a while, as there are some really good people out there. I met my partner this way 🙂

I found it best to meet up fairly soon after starting to chat, to see if there is a connection and attraction, having had several disappointments after very promising lengthy online conversations.

Good luck!

Agree with pp's, meet asap as you will know pretty quickly if there's a spark. It's easy to present a persona on line and this way you prevent wasting your time by lengthy texting.

Thank you! That does seem to be the consensus!
I know a few people who have met long term partners online and all of them had to do quite a bit of searching first so hopefully I just need to be patient and not lose heart too quickly!!

A case in point.

Been chatting all week on text. Due to meet tonight. Been blocked on all platforms. No explanation. Upwards and onwards.

Oh wow @hitothat’s such awful behaviour, why would somebody choose to do that rather than just send a couple of lines explaining themself??

One never knows. The trick is not to take it personally. They obviously have MH issues.

@hitoyes I’m learning fast that in internet dating you really can’t take anything personally. I’m really sorry you had that experience though and I hope the next one you meet is amazing to make up for it!