Friendship has changed since I started working and I am confused

[Indierose22]

Hi I don't usually post things but I really want opinions. I have been a stay at home mom for 8 years just over and have formed a close friendship. She's my best friend and we saw each other daily.

At the start of the year my husband got made redundant and decided to start a business which is going well and we have the business together. I enjoy working and fits well around my children and we now have more time together as a family.

However now I work I don't get to see my friend as much and even though I message all the time and arrange to do stuff in the school holiday she's turned cold towards me and doesn't talk that much to me even when I start talking to her in the school playground she has been ignoring me or giving one worded answers. I'm autistic so I'm struggling to understand what I've done wrong. I'm still making an effort to chat to her but I work at the same time.

You've done nothing wrong. Unless you've been going on about your work non stop. It sounds like she might either be fed up or she's jealous.

She may not understand that you’re truly otherwise engaged if she’s also a stay at home mum she might just not be able to get her head round it.
Or she might be jealous or other reasons, who knows.
anyhow, you’ve been close friends for 8 years so the best thing to do is talk to her and see what’s going on. Maybe a call or visit and say something like ‘just wanted to check in as things feel different between us and I miss you. Has something changed that I haven’t noticed?’

I haven't mentioned work. I don't usually say anything about it. It's just left me baffled and for someone who has autistic children I'm surprised she is just been funny with me even when I asked is everything ok as she should know mood changes are a struggle to me. I've asked many times if she's ok even suggesting to meet up and messaging daily to check in on her. I don't know what to do next.

You’ve tried, you’re baffled, you can’t and shouldn’t do any more. Life shouldn’t be so difficult.

Jealousy

Maybe she’s concentrating on rebuilding her daytime life now that she doesn’t have you to partner up with?

maybe she’s envious of your life?

maybe she’s got other things going in that you don’t know about.

but she’s out of line to suddenly be cold/rude to you. If I were you, I’d drop the level of communications a tiny bit. Stop asking her what’s bothering her. Cool the friendship a little but make it clear that you still value her and miss your closeness.

then leave the ball in her court.

I think this unfortunately is quite common. A lot of ‘mum friendships’ are very situational. You both happened to be available at the same time, so you spent time together. Now you have gone back to work, you aren’t available anymore. She’s lost interest, probably because there wasn’t much anchoring the friendship to begin with other than you were mums with similar age children. I can’t say I really saw much of my mat leave friends after I went back to work. We keep in touch on social media, but don’t meet up. Life moves on sadly.

You’ve moved on OP. There was a change to your circumstances. When this occurs many friends drop you as you are no longer available as they want you to be. It’s hurtful and upsetting.

Ask her outright why the sudden change, not just if everything is ok.

That's why I've never given anyone the label of best friend--friendships evolve, whether getting closer, lessening, or even ending.

She's quite immature if she's trying to punish you for your life changes. Meeting up with a friend daily is actually not the norm, as most people with a spouse and children just don't have that time.

True friends don't treat you coldly when your life circumstances change and they have less time for you. Especially as you continue to make an effort with communication. Perhaps realize you didn't know her negative side until the going got bumpy.

I wouldn't chase her around like you're some puppy, begging for attention. Put in equal effort and no more. If she's putting in none, then let her fade away. Some people were meant to be in your life for just a season, not a lifetime.