Leaving my Partner after Infidelity - Right Choice?

[usernew1234]

Hi All,

just wanted to update on my previous post regarding my partner and his infidelity. After a long and difficult 9 months in limbo, I’ve decided to leave.

I stayed living at our house, hoping to see that change he was promising, but it’s almost worse. Yes, he’s now honest with how he feels, especially with things he was once too scared to get off his chest, but I feel this new “honesty” is what he falls back on to justify his lack of time and effort for us.

I didn’t want to label us, so technically we’ve been separate since it happened. I can’t accept this kind of disrespect and lack of accountability - I feel like I’m unheard and extremely lonely with him. I haven’t been given much effort since we moved in together almost two years ago, and his work always comes first without question.

I know I deserve better and that I myself need to be better. This is my first relationship, perhaps my last. Who knows! But I do hope I have the chance to be happy and excited for a romantic future with somebody one day, where I feel totally swept of my feet.

People told me to leave the instant that it happened, but I was honestly too scared to let go. I’m kind of glad that I gave it a bit of time so that I don’t leave thinking “what if”, because I know what life would look like going forward from this together.

I’ve been genuinely miserable since September and it’s cracking me up. He’s going through a lot with work and family dynamics at the moment - I wish him the best but I can’t stay at the expense of my own happiness. More than anything, the trust is broken forever now.

I’m 27, have a skilled job, really decent savings, and no ties. I’ve always wanted to move to Australia since spending a year there on a visa. I guess the point of this post is to look for words of encouragement and confidence in my decision to leave for some place totally new. I don’t know why I feel guilty, but I do know my mind is made up.

Thank you.

Go OP. You have no ties and are young. Go live your life!

@usernew1234 You've done the hardest bit, now take what you've learn't from the experience and don't look back, just go and enjoy your life!

Good for you!

How did he take the news??

I haven’t told him yet. I’m really scared. I think he’ll react fine to it, to be honest. Maybe even relieved himself. But I’ve now told my mum, sister and friend about my decision, which makes it feel real and accessible. I don’t want to mention anything until my visa is sorted.

I’m dreading the gutting feeling that comes when I leave. The realisation that this part of my life didn’t go how I thought it would. I hope the sadness lifts and I can trust someone again.

No guilt OP, he is the one who broke your relationship. You deserve someone you can trust totally without constant niggling doubts.

@usernew1234 Life has a funny way of f**king you over, i’ve wasted at least 20 years of my life on partners that decided the grass was greener, did it hurt?, yeah, at the time, did i get over it?, yeah, did i probably make the same mistake again?, well yeah i think i might have done, i’ll find out soon :-0 anyway what i’m trying to say is that most of the time you’ll be happy, just getting on with life then someone can decide you’re fate for you, it happens i guess, don’t waste any time asking yourself why, or what you did wrong because the answer is probably nothing, just hold your head up, walk away and in time hopefully you’ll find someone who will love you the same way you love them, i’m hoping for the same :-)

Good luck OP - you are definitely making the right decision. I have been through similar at a similar age and believe me, once trust is broken it is gone forever. You know that feeling of complete confidence in someone- that is never the same again. Please go forward with an open mind and more importantly an open heart. It’s a beautiful big wide world out there - you are still young and full of life - live, laugh and dance away - you have not made the wrong decision- even if you don’t meet someone ever again. I am sending you all the good positive energy I can xxx

Good luck OP - you are definitely making the right decision. I have been through similar at a similar age and believe me, once trust is broken it is gone forever. You know that feeling of complete confidence in someone- that is never the same again. Please go forward with an open mind and more importantly an open heart. It’s a beautiful big wide world out there - you are still young and full of life - live, laugh and dance away - you have not made the wrong decision- even if you don’t meet someone ever again. I am sending you all the good positive energy I can xxx

The minute you hit Austrilian soil, this will barely cross your mind. You have an entire new world ahead of you and so much to see and explore. I'm excited for you, go live your best life OP

Please do not feel guilty, you are young , enjoy your life! Go find a sexy Aussie fella and have some fun!

You are do young! Go and go!

Do go, OP. He doesn't deserve your loyalty, and he isn't showing any to you. This is an exciting opportunity to broaden your horizons.

Australia is full of opportunities. Remember that there's good and bad everywhere, and you'll probably have good times and bad times. Also, a new country can be lonely till you make friends. But those are minor points. The great thing about travelling or living abroad is the fascination of being in new places with new people, new ideas, new experiences and all kinds of adventures. Even the things that go wrong often make funny stories later on.

Don't miss this perfect opportunity. If you go and don't like it, you can always come back. But if you don't go, you'll probably never stop regretting that you missed the chance.

Have a wonderful time!