Do you think me likes me?

[Jigglywigglypuff]

I have over-thought myself into a frenzy and would like some advice.

I like this guy at work. He is 4 years younger than me. He is rather shy, but nice, kind, funny. Passionate about the things that he enjoys. We have spoken on shift since I met him (around 2023) but I was not single when we met. I spent a year or so working at a different location and didn't see him during that time.

I have been single for a little while now and he has been aware of this for around 2 months (when I came back to original work location).

Since I came back, he has added me on social media. I DMd him to ask if he wanted something that I was getting rid of, and he happily accepted, but we didn't really chat beyond that. I admittedly uploaded some nice selfies, he didn't like them or comment or anything, which is fine, I just thought that he might have if he was really interested.

I have just had a 2 week holiday and will be seeing him tomorrow. At work today, one of my friends told me that he was dating someone else at the company while I worked at the other place, but it fizzled out as the girl wasn't really feeling it. He also said that he has seen him looking at me etc but if he did like me he would perhaps be hesitant to make a move due to a.) The last situation not working out, and b.) Because he is really shy/a slow burner.

When we do work together, he is always super chatty, I catch him looking at me, he likes to say my name in sentences I've notced too, and he tries to stay near to me or get grouped with me so we can chat. Sometimes he just walks past my desk, smiles and knocks on it when he walks past. But then out of work i.e. social media, just nothing.

My question is, do you think he likes me? Because I'm just confused at this point. I know it was kinda desperate to start uploading photos etc but I was just trying to gauge if he would try to interact or something. Then I'm thinking maybe he didn't because he doesn’t want to make it obvious? Or is he still pining after this other woman and I am just imagining that he is interested? I also have 2 kids and he has none, which I think is the biggest issue; but I don't actually want a serious relationship, just fun/sex, which I'm quite sure he would be into from what I've learned.

I just really don't know anymore. It's not really that deep if he doesn't like me back, I just don't know what to think.

I think you might have to bite the bullet and make a move - ask him out for a drink or such outside of work. You will never know otherwise and neither will we!

There's quite a gap in circumstances if you are 4 years older than him and have two kids.

However, just ask him if he'd like to go out for a drink sometime. He'll either say yes or no and then you can move on.

Thanks to you both. I have been debating perhaps asking him first, but I'm so nervous in case he rejects me. How do you just drop it into conversation?? Idk what to say other than "I like you, do you want to go for a drink?" But it feels so blunt, I just don't know about it. How to be smooth??

You don’t have to say you like him! Just say something like “I’ve heard nice things about XYZ place and thought I’d go and check it out, do you fancy coming with me for a drink/something to eat sometime?”

Then he either says yes out of politeness, but doesn’t follow up with a suggestion of a date, in which case move on.

or he says no thanks, I’m not really into XYZ or not really looking to date at the moment.

Or if he fancies you he says that would be great, when are you thinking of going? And you go on a lovely date.

good luck!

@Jigglywigglypuff how about something like, hey, i just wondered what you're doing after work, do you want to hang out, maybe go for a drink or something to eat. Or you could ask him for his phone number first and start chatting to see where it goes...

Yes, this! It's fine to ask, and also fine to be rejected (although it might sting a bit at the time). You lose 100% of the opportunities you don't take! I've steeled myself and made the move once - and the chap let me down in the nicest possible way, and we've continued to be close friends. And, I've had long-standing friends/colleagues make a move and I've declined, and it has been fine.

Ask a couple of colleagues if they want to go for a drink after work [or similar]. Once arranged, tell him a few of you are going and invite him along.

You need to do it in a way it’s ambiguous. So something like want to grab a drink sometime. He may know you fancy him but isn’t interested and is just flattered.

id think carefully, do you really just want sex. I’d strongly advise against setting your expectations low as a way to get him as it will lead to a lot of hurt for you.

You have to ask him out, as others have suggested. A drink or a bite to eat after work to start with. If he declines, at least you’ll know.

I like this idea. I think im gonna bottle it if I plan to ask him for a drink just me and him lol. God I'm so nervous. It has been so long since I have dated/done this sort of thing; online dating wasn't even a big thing the last time I was doing it. The whole world has changed now.

I think I'm going to ask a few people tomorrow if they would like to do something and then invite him. I'm so nervous!!! Thank you all for the suggestions they have all been brilliant. I appreciate everybody being kind. Thank you all 😊

Not keen in this TBH! I've been one of those spare wheels asked out for drinks when the clear intention was that she wanted an excuse to meet a particular guy socially outside of work.

Online dating takes the guesswork out of it, so you might want to give it a shot - it also means if things don't work you don't have an awkward situation at work.

Selfishly did not consider this! Good point. Though the friend who I was speaking to today is male and I am quite sure he would be happy to be there as he generally just likes going out, and would probably bring his wife. There are 2 othe people like this that I am considering inviting. I am thinking of telling them beforehand what my intention is just so noone feels like wtf is going on during the actual outing lol

That is true, tbh I am kind of nervous to do online dating because I have never done it before and have heard some horror stories. I'm sure it isn't all that bad, but I could give it a shot if this doesn't work out, I guess. What's the worse that can happen!

If you have to ask 'does he fancy me' the answer is usually 'no' I'm afraid. But you lose nothing by extending a casual invitation to meet as suggested by pp. You need to be crystal clear with yourself that if it comes to nothing, you'll move on.

Yeah I feel like I just need to prepare myself for the rejection. Though I feel I'm older and wiser now and a lot more secure than I used to be, and really just wanted something casual, I am definitely not looking for someone to step into a father role for my kids. If he says no that's fine, I just don't want it to be awkward at work if not which is the main thing putting me off I guess

If you were looking for long term, I'd say go for it if you could handle seeing an ex every day at the office if it didn't work out. But since you just wants a brief fling, I'd leave co-workers out of that plan. There are ways to meet guys in person like Meetup.com activity groups or attending local music venues where people will often chat with other attendees.

Do you know if you really would prefer short term? Biology can affect your body, as hormones are released when you have sex, different in women than men. Sometimes it makes a woman want to bond with a man, even if he's not right for her. And with FWB's, expectations can be like nailing gelatin to a wall when behavior present in exclusive relationships aren't the hard and fast rules of what should be an anything goes FWB. Because it can mean communication doesn't have to happen daily. You might not hear from them in weeks. And they can be having sex with anyone they want, besides you. Think about if that is okay with you.