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Relationships

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Partner hiding messaging apps and wanting to explore others after ten years

9 replies

Chrk · 08/06/2026 19:50

Recently found out my partner of 10 years is hiding and deleting apps where he can speak to other women when he’s at work during the night. We have three kids together and his excuse is “a midlife crisis” he’s hardly 30. He says I don’t give him enough intimacy but when I’m solo parenting looking after my three kids all day by myself while he sits and does things for himself or sits on his phone and doesn’t wasn’t to spend time with them it becomes exhausting and unfortunately the intimacy takes a step back.

yeah I get I could try harder but he doesn’t help with the kids so there’s that.

Says he doesn’t know what he wants or if he needs a break from us and the parental responsibility’s to see if he wants to explore other people but can’t understand if he does this then we will never get back together. We will never be a couple again as I cannot agree to let him go “explore”

Is this even worth trying to fix or am I wasting my time on him/trying to get answers.

the apps in question are “Snapchat, KIK, telegram, teleguard, signal, zangi, chat iw, sessions” all what you’d expect someone in their late teens early 20s to use.

OP posts:
Hamstersnorkel · 08/06/2026 20:08

Are you sure he hasn’t already found someone to do the ‘exploring’ with? Trust me it’s not worth fixing. Even if he agrees to stay with you this will eat away at you. What a twat! If he wants to go off and live like a selfish teenager let him! You deserve so much better.

Chrk · 08/06/2026 20:12

Hamstersnorkel · 08/06/2026 20:08

Are you sure he hasn’t already found someone to do the ‘exploring’ with? Trust me it’s not worth fixing. Even if he agrees to stay with you this will eat away at you. What a twat! If he wants to go off and live like a selfish teenager let him! You deserve so much better.

honestly I think he has. I definitely don’t think this is the first time he’s been on these apps either. You’d think a man of his age wouldn’t be using these but they sure do surprise us sometimes. 🤣

OP posts:
Sashya · 08/06/2026 20:19

3 kids is a lot of pressure on a relationship, any relationship. Having 3 kids in your twenties - even more so. You guys must have gotten together really young, and missed the young life phase of dating around and just having careless fun.
It is not at all surprising that he woke up and realised that now he is entering the "adult" phase of life having skipped on being "young".

Yes - it's not fair an immature of him. And unfair to you and your children. But sadly - I don't think he'll change and grow up overnight. He has gone the other direction now, and it'll take him a while to understand what he actually wants from life.

Sadly - this is not uncommon, and usually it's women who end up being the responsible stable keepers of families. We don't just wake up and decide to live it up, not when we have small kids.

In your place - I'd lay out your boundaries for him and make plans for being a single mom.

PermanentTemporary · 08/06/2026 20:26

It sounds like escapism. I wouldn’t necessarily think he has definitely met up with anyone.

Doesn’t make it ok. He’s behaving like an immature shit. He really thinks he can wander off and play in the woods and Mummy will still welcome him home afterwards? Chinny reckon.

Hamstersnorkel · 08/06/2026 20:27

Chrk · 08/06/2026 20:12

honestly I think he has. I definitely don’t think this is the first time he’s been on these apps either. You’d think a man of his age wouldn’t be using these but they sure do surprise us sometimes. 🤣

Yeah, mine was messaging women on Instagram initially. It turned out he had been having an affair for over a year. I did try to get past it for a few months because he begged for another chance when I made him leave, but he made no real effort to reassure me or fix things. Eventually he left, he really couldn't stand me knowing what an awful thing he’d done. Anyway he’s now quite deep into his mid life crisis and getting his first tattoo at 40😂 They really are pathetic!

Chrk · 08/06/2026 20:30

Sashya · 08/06/2026 20:19

3 kids is a lot of pressure on a relationship, any relationship. Having 3 kids in your twenties - even more so. You guys must have gotten together really young, and missed the young life phase of dating around and just having careless fun.
It is not at all surprising that he woke up and realised that now he is entering the "adult" phase of life having skipped on being "young".

Yes - it's not fair an immature of him. And unfair to you and your children. But sadly - I don't think he'll change and grow up overnight. He has gone the other direction now, and it'll take him a while to understand what he actually wants from life.

Sadly - this is not uncommon, and usually it's women who end up being the responsible stable keepers of families. We don't just wake up and decide to live it up, not when we have small kids.

In your place - I'd lay out your boundaries for him and make plans for being a single mom.

I don’t think early 20s is particularly young and kids after 25 they’re all still under 5 y/o.

we definitely got to be ”young” together before kids. His main issue is he’s not my sole focus anymore and doesn’t like that. to be brutally honest there’s no excuse to wake up and decide one day you don’t want to be a father that’s a long time thought

OP posts:
Chrk · 08/06/2026 20:34

PermanentTemporary · 08/06/2026 20:26

It sounds like escapism. I wouldn’t necessarily think he has definitely met up with anyone.

Doesn’t make it ok. He’s behaving like an immature shit. He really thinks he can wander off and play in the woods and Mummy will still welcome him home afterwards? Chinny reckon.

He works nights 12+ hours mainly 6 times a week let’s not include overtime. So it wouldn’t be shocking if he has met with other women to fulfil his needs and wonder why I won’t jump into bed with him 🤣 yes I agree definitely acting like an immature shit but hey these three babies are the best thing and my sole focus has to be on them

OP posts:
Chrk · 08/06/2026 20:35

Hamstersnorkel · 08/06/2026 20:27

Yeah, mine was messaging women on Instagram initially. It turned out he had been having an affair for over a year. I did try to get past it for a few months because he begged for another chance when I made him leave, but he made no real effort to reassure me or fix things. Eventually he left, he really couldn't stand me knowing what an awful thing he’d done. Anyway he’s now quite deep into his mid life crisis and getting his first tattoo at 40😂 They really are pathetic!

Isn’t social media the worst thing lol. Yip same as “mine” makes me seem like I’m the issue and he’s the victim no buddy you just weren’t careful enough and got caught and you don’t like that

OP posts:
ForPlumCat · 10/06/2026 21:32

I have never commented on here but I absolutely have to. Some of these comments are shocking! I went through something similar with my ex and it took him leaving and a couple of years of thought for me to realise how messed up he was! I don't want that for you. I am so sorry you are going through this, there is no excuse for him to suddenly decide he doesn't want to participate in this life you've built together. Has he even acknowledged the amount of stress you must be under and the amount of effort you put in? I don't want to influence you BUT.. I think you would do better without him around complaining whilst half-arseing it! Sending love

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