Married for 20 years and in my 40s now with 2 DC almost grown.
The initial attraction faded quite early on in our marriage but he has always been fundamentally a good (though weak at times, and misguided) man. I have my many flaws too and have made many a wrong choice or decision in life.
We always found grace and forgiveness for each other though and our common goals united us - home, security, family, friends , respect for each others' hobbies and interests. Life went on for 20 years with some level of respect and familial affection, if not a grand passion (I was convinced that though rarely sustain or exist in real life).
But now, with him in his 50s, he has changed more, and for the worse. In recent years, he is sullen, withdrawn, grumpy even - in the main he says it is partly due to his job and says he is just waiting for when he can retire and do hobbies full time (I have said he should when he wants to too). He wants to hold steady for a few more years till the DC are fully grown. I work full time too and always have.
I try to be supportive but most times I find it so draining to be with someone who just seems so unhappy and increasingly so all the time. Tiny things upset him or ruin his equilibirium. Things at work, any change in routine etc. I have asked him to get help, see the GP for mental health, get counselling and he always refuses to.
I just cannot imagine retirement life with this person he has fully turned into (there were signs of moodiness and sulkiness always, but never this often or consistently so). I am always dreaming of leaving in a year when both DC would have left the house.
Just wanted a handhold , as I have been sitting with this today the whole day and was feeling very dark......also anyone gone through similar ? No affair, no third party, just this dull grey and depression and darkness.......no amount of trying to change things has worked in recent years....