How do I know when a friend is more than that?

[Newlyfiledfordivorce]

I got really upset at a group event last week. Mostly about work stuff but someone said something to me that was the final straw. I had a meltdown and went and hid in a side room. I texted an old friend who happened to be there and told him I was stressed and didn’t want to face people.

He texted me that he was outside and would walk me to my bus stop.

I was non verbal and went out. He walked me to my bus stop, asked if I wanted a cuddle and I just nodded and he held me quietly for about 5 mins. I felt so much better. Then he asked if I wanted to talk and I told him all about it. He listened and sympathised. Got me home. Made me tea. Sent me to bed. Let himself out. Next day I texted how grateful I was - he just said you are welcome.

It’s confused me about what I feel about him. Good friend in my head, but is there more?

Did you want to have sex with him?

No wonder you have intense feelings for him after that. But it doesn't necessarily mean that a romance is on the cards so don't assume anything. Maybe spend time with him when you are feeling steadier and see how it goes.

Nothing in that alone suggests anything more than friends. Not to say he doesn't want more! But that alone gives no clues

He's been kind and you're very vulnerable at the moment. Accept his friendship for what it is and give yourself time to get to a better place.

Sending you to bed was a bit OTT?!

Hard to say if he sees you as more than a friend though.

Do you fancy him and if so, did you before this happened?

He just said. ‘You need sleep.’ I’ll let myself out. Didn’t literally demand I went to bed.

He sounds nice.

Are you actually in a good headspace for considering dating anyone at the moment though?

He was very thoughtful and you’re very vulnerable. I’d not risk jeopardising his kindness by trying to make it more than it was.

Don't mistake someone paying you attention and showing kindness for romantic feelings - I'd wait until I had more evidence before thinking that there was anything more than friendship there.

I didn't say he demanded but surely you said 'Nah, I'll see you to the door and then get some kip'?

Do you fancy him and if so, did you before this too?

He’s attractive but I’d not really thought about fancying him. He made me feel seen and safe. I’m a bit all over the place right now.

Ok well I'd probably put it out of your head then and carry on the friendship as normal.

How accurately calibrated objectively are your emotions generally? As there is the potential here to see someone over reacting pendulum swing - negative at work (meltdown etc) and then reading something overly positive into possibly nothing? Have you struggled to identify or understand social situations in the past?

I’ve just been so stressed. When he held me it was like that all went away. I’ve missed that.

But that's just needing comfort, we all need that sometimes. I'd be careful about trying to take it somewhere further if you're very vulnerable emotionally at the moment. You might be better off with a good friend right now, than a romantic relationship.

To be honest, you don't sound like you're in the right headspace for a relationship anyway. He sounds kind and a good friend. Just be happy with that.

You sound very childlike in your needs from him. Fine if it works for you both as friends but I think it would make for a very toxic romance. He basically parented you. A partnership isn’t about dependency. I’ve been there - feeling safe and looked after isn’t the ‘this is my person’ sign you might think it is. You would have great sex with him though probably. My pov based on experience of similar feelings and experience!

Agree with this, it sounds a very much “rescue me from these horrible people” vibe?
what does your melt down and needing to be alone, but still accepting of lots of attention look like?
are you both quite young? As in teens/early 20s?

He’s a couple of years younger than me and generally empowering rather than controlling. He was just exactly what I needed in that moment. I’ll wait and not make any decisions until I’m more settled. Although if it’s him that settles me most that’s a cheat code, isn’t it? Thanks for all the responses.