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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Not able to sleep thanks to argument earlier

2 replies

FlakyCoconut · 08/06/2026 02:01

DH talked to me in a way I didn't appreciate yesterday morning. I have no problem at all setting boundaries. I stopped him right in his tracks and the conversation, too.

However, he is the type that, instead of apologising, doubles down, rolls his eyes, sighs etc. Basically, everything but acknowledge what he's done and apologise to de-escalate.

When I was younger, I think I took his shit or he didn't give it as much. Now, I'm older, perimenopause and I'm not taking his disrespect, allowing him to gaslight me or anyone else for that matter. I think I set up some enabling, maybe, and he's not adjusted to me not doing this with him, anymore.

So, often, we're at an impasse because he has reached the same age as me and I guess thinks he is going to not bend, either.

He is very insecure and petty. In fact, he reminds me of his mother and his mother is a toxic, manipulative, overbearing, controlling, dysfunctional, tit for tat, pedantic, drama queen and these are only a few of things I hate about her and which she passed on to her son.

He apologised, in a very convoluted and then direct way, so that's fine. Whatever. I told him I didn't need a novel. Just say sorry and don't do it again. It's basic adulting 101. But, I know it will happen again because he's a child and I'm intolerant and that's just how we roll these days.

All of that to say, thanks to his stupid and childish behaviour, I can't sleep tonight. I have a few meetings this week and sleep deprivation means I'll probably look and perform like shit.

He's not always annoying. This is a 1% side of him that I can't stand, though. I hate that he's asleep, all peaceful, and I'm awake on MN typing about how he's ruined my day and night.

I'm secretly hoping MIL is having a shit night, too, since I secretly blame her for some of this behaviour.

OP posts:
Beatrixpotts · 08/06/2026 02:05

Been there, done that. The realisation that age will only worsen them made me leave. Get some sleep if you can.

Devilsmommy · 08/06/2026 02:38

Why do they try and double down instead of just admitting they were in the wrong? And not all older men are grumpy twats. My DH is 57 and is definitely not a grumpy shit to me. Hopefully you can chill and get some sleep tonight, it's shit when you really need the sleep

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