My husband (37M) and I (37F) have been together 12 years. He is a great husband (does housework, is affectionate, is an involved father, etc.) but there has been a history of him saying or doing something "clumsy", me expressing hurt, him not apologizing for several days until I make the first move to reconnect, and him calling me dramatic. Over the years, I have repeatedly communicated to him that this is not okay and he has acknowledged it, but he hasn't changed the behavior. And now, he has started telling me that I am the problematic one.
Things got bad recently. Our kids were sick and I ended up catching their virus. He told me that I got sick because I didn't think positively and my immune system is not as strong as his. I immediately told him it wasn't a nice thing to say. He said a simple sorry, but I could tell it wasn't genuine and spoken just to avoid further conversation. I was too sick to say more. He kept commenting how his immune system was strong and mine wasn't. A few days later, he got sick. I was supportive and didn't throw it in his face, but did point out the difference in his vs. my behavior. He didn't like that. He gave me silent treatment for 8 days. I cried myself to sleep a few nights. He completely ignored me until I finally said I felt so frustrated and alone that I was going to go home to my parents' house with the kids for a few days. He finally apologized genuinely. I forgave him and we seemed to be doing better.
Shortly after, he was injured, needed surgery, and traveled for work. During those 2 months, I took care of him and solo-parented and managed the house while working. Though I still felt hurt and was exhausted, we were affectionate and everything seemed fine. At the end of the 2 months, he suddenly said he was struggling to feel completely reconnected because he couldn't get over how dramatic and mean I was when I said I would go home to my parents' house with the kids and because we hadn't gone out on a date in a long time (while he was recovering from surgery and out of town). He suggested counseling. The therapist communicated that his behavior (stonewalling) was not okay while mine (saying I want to go home to my parents' house out of frustration and loneliness) was understandable.
He now believes that counseling is useless. He says that if I continue to behave like this and cause problems for no reason, he will stop feeling connected in the marriage. I feel truly baffled and hesitant to say anything in my defense when I feel hurt.
Am I being dramatic and mean?