Not entirely sure where to start but I have had a strained relationship with MIL for about two years now after the birth of my son. When my son was born she very much thought she was going to be a third parent to my child and basically treated me like a child. I had post natal depression and post natal ocd and my post natal period was probably the poorliest time of my life. She wouldn’t take no for an answer. My anxiety was through the roof. For example, One day I said to my partner we need a cleaner just to help me out as I’m struggling. His mom offered to be our cleaner to which I said no, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with a family member doing our cleaning. His mom arranged a cleaner who couldn’t speak English and only spoke her language. Ahe came with the cleaner as she said she needed to explain to her in her language what needed to be done. She then proceeded to stay and clean. I had my work colleague around at the time to meet the baby and she kept coming in to us with things like a biscuit wrapper saying “is this for the bin” embarrassing me in front of my work colleague. I saw text messages on my partners phone from her to him saying stuff like “if I don’t tell you about her then you won’t know”. When he text her saying to drop it she messaged back saying “ok go and be happy then” which seemed really passive aggressive as if to say go and be happy with her. She would phone and text my partner at work about me and he would come home irritated at me. It was upsetting as I was mentally unwell, he was my main support system as my family didn’t live close as she was driving a wedge between us. I kept making an effort with her but the comments kept coming. I have been at her house and she asked if my son could have a snack and I said no as he was due his lunch soon. A few minutes later she ran out with a snack for him, she had ignored what I had said and ran to my partner to get the answer she wanted.
Since then she has said my younger sister is rude because she didn’t say hello to her in the right way. She asked me when I was pregnant with my second child whether my family were going to meet the baby. I said yes of course apart from my older sister who is also pregnant so wouldn’t be able to travel. She then said my older sister didn’t come to meet my first child when he was born. I told her she did and she stayed with us to help me about five times. To this she replied “no she didn’t”. I was confused and said yes she did to which she replied “well I didn’t see her”. If she is round us and I ask my son if he needs the potty, she will look at my partner and say does he need to go and will proceed to try and step in on my parenting. When my second child was born she sat with her back to me on the floor and asked my partner if she could hold the baby now. I was holding her at the time and I felt just totally disrespected that she didn’t have the decency to ask me as I was holding her at the time.
I have took a step back from this lady but it causes issues between myself and my partner. Everytime this lady does something it triggers me as I feel she was mean to me during the worst time of my life. I am told this is just a culture issue and this is what they’re like. Am I being over sensitive? I am struggling to move on. She has backed off abit but I’m not sure if this is because I have removed myself so it’s impossible for her to say anything. We see my in laws once a month for a couple hours but I feel like anymore will disrupt my peace. But am I being selfish? They have never babysat my children but they live 40 mins away so too far to drop off then go back for them. I don’t want babysitting anyway! There is tension in the air and I feel the whole in law family thing I’m a problem and I’m unreasonable as I’ve just taken a massive step back. They very much expected to be heavily involved in our lives. Sorry for the long rant