How to deal with post separation emotions

[Strawbsss]

How do you deal with the crying and the pining when you’ve told someone you’re done with a marriage?

We've had a rocky 14 months and I’ve tried to leave a few times. I finally told him enough was enough around 6 weeks ago and up to now, he’s been okay but the last few days he’s crying, begging to me stay, telling me we CAN find the love again and I’m finding it really difficult.

We are still living together and co parenting our kids as neither of us have another place to go.

This is what he did the last few times I said I was done and I just sunk back in to married life because I couldn’t bare the constant crying and pleading.

I do really mean it this time but it’s so hard not to ‘feel sorry’ for him.

I checked out a long time ago but he would stay with me regardless if I had done the worst thing in the world so nothing seems to get through his head. He’s just adamant we can ‘fix’ anything and always looking for a cause of my feelings. I don’t have any other reason other than an accumulation of feelings fading over the months and the realisation I didn’t love him in that way any more.

My ex was exactly the same. I just went back to normal countless times, and the abuse went back to normal, too.

What I did the final time I left him while still living together, was just ignore him completely. Radio silence. Blocked him everywhere. Only talk about things absolutely necessarily (goings on with the kids, etc). Only discuss things that you would have to once you do live separately. Act as if you already do live separately. Its hard at times when they get emotional, which is where you HAVE to stay strong. Remember how bad the every day feels when everything is 'normal'. Remember why youre doing this and why it is important. You will never succeed in achieving a better, happier life for yourself and DC if you just give into his fake pleas and fake cries.

You have to fully accept that it is finished to live like this. Also prioritise moving out ASAP. The longer you live together, the harder it will be.

Just remain strong. Remain adamant, this is it, because it is. You don't need his permission to end a relationship, and you do not need his permission to leave. It's your life. Best of luck

Look up grey rock method. It makes you a bit emotionally numb but will get you through.

Thank you both so much.

It’s awful still having to live together but we really don’t have another choice.

Im really struggling and keep thinking how I could stop all this by just giving in AGAIN but I really, really don’t want this life anymore x

Maybe you need to get the formal divorce process underway as will take 6 months anyway. He may move along the grieving process towards acceptance

Write down a list of the reasons why you want to divorce him and look at it every time he starts

You know that phrase, something like 'don't burn yourself putting out someone else's fire' - this is it, you feel you can only get peace by giving in but in that process you damage yourself. He is responsible for his future happiness.