Insensitive comments about finances before marriage affecting the relationship long term

[ThisLilacSeal]

Anyone got experience of husbands making really insensitive comments before you got married which have basically blighted the relationship ever since?

"My house, our home"
"I can't put you on the deeds as if after two years we get divorced you could take the house"

These are some belters my husband (then fiance) made during a chat about our finances.

I’d be rethinking the marriage.

Er, why did you marry this charmer?

Oh dear, no, can’t relate and it sounds very unpleasant. Does he realise it’s not like that anymore now you’re married?

My treasure of a DH said (after we were married) ‘You and DD have milked me dry’ (she is his DD as well 🙄), and when we were talking about splitting up informed me that I didn’t ‘deserve’ anything from the business that I helped him set up, was a director of and in the last few years of its existence worked in doing all the accounts, invoicing and PAYE because I hadn’t shown enough interest. Idiot.

I have learnt through my own experiences and that of many friends that sadly, or inevitably, it always comes down to money in the end. So think on.

>> "I can't put you on the deeds as if after two years we get divorced you could take the house" <<

OK, but what advice do you think most women would be given in a similar position?

And yet you still went ahead with the wedding?

Is 'DH' dickhead? What's 'DD'?

DH is ‘Dear Husband’, DD ‘Dear Daughter’. Why on earth did you marry him?

What’s wrong with him wanting to protect the house he owned before marriage?

Why is it only men who are expected to want to give away half of their assets and financial security just for having a relationship?

Have you had a child with him?

What's the story - he owned a house before you started a relationship with him?

I agree with this. It’s perfectly reasonable for anyone to want to protect pre-marital assets. But what they should do is simply…not get married.

He had the property before I met him. I just think there's ways you say things to someone and a diplomatic response from him would've been not to mention divorce and to say we should buy together.

We have a child.

Funny that he doesn't trust me with his house but he'd have a baby with me!

Did you already have a child together and that is why you got married?

Otherwise I have to agree with others that those comments would have made me not want to go ahead with the marriage.

And if he felt like that and was already thinking about the possibility of divorce and it's impact on his finances, why did he get married?
From an outsider's perspective it sounds a bit odd.

Don't marry him ffs. He doesn't want you as a wife he wants control over you in every way, it will continue and chip away until he has got control of everything and in a divorce you'll get your arse handed to you and be destitute. Leave him now

Too late - I think she has married him & he was saying these comments before they married.
The OP refers to him as her husband and her "then fiance" when she mentions the comments he made.

Only trust the man that prepares for your financial protection when you two are no longer together. Because he loves you now, but if one day he doesn’t, he should still want you to be looked after. Men who are giving it “oh what about ME if we don’t work out” aren’t men, they are losers. And I’m not saying he can’t protect himself financially, but how can a man call himself a man if he doesn’t want to ensure the protection and stability of the woman he’s supposed to love? Even from himself. Don’t settle for losers.

@ThisLilacSeal "Funny that he doesn't trust me with his house but he'd have a baby with me!"

Actually OP, I think it's more peculiar that you chose to have a child with him.

A lot of men.. and women.. might think exactly what your dh said but might have been a bit more tactful. After all, that’s how prenups come into being.