How do you navigate through feeling humiliated and betrayed after breaking up with abuser?

[Chrysanthemumgrandiflorum]

I broke up with my emotionally abusive partner almost two months ago now and I'm going through the motions but this new stage I'm in has been a lot of being flooded back with incidents that have happened or damning things he has said to me and I keep remembering them randomly in my day to day and even in my dreams where I keep recalling them on loop. And the remnant feeling is deep humiliation and betrayal. A specific one, not that I am blaming myself for staying for so long, but more the humiliation of what he did combined with, I loved and trusted this human with everything, I can't believe he did this and the pain of it in a very visceral way. How do you navigate through these emotions? At what stage does it get better?
I sometimes feel crippled by the weight of the pain when it hits me. It just hijacks my brain whenever I'm not 110% busy

I am sorry this happened to you and I am
really glad the relationship is over.

What you are describing is post traumatic stress disorder. At the time you could not deal with these bad incidents so they were locked away. And now that you are no longer in the firing line, they are coming out.

Have you thought of seeing a therapist to help with dealing with your trauma? A small step maybe a self help book
ad it’s more affordable. Understanding why you feel the way you do will help you move forward.

Do you have kids? Do you have to have any further contact with your ex?

Even though you were in an abusive relationship, it’s ok to mourn and be sad as even in these relationships there are “ nice bits” that make you stay and have hope.

Sorry to hear this. It does get better ! When I left my ex it was very hard at first but then it gets easier in due course. After about a year I started dating and then met someone else. Fast forward and now I rarely think of my ex (father of 2 kids) and when I do I’m indifferent.

I read a book called “why does he do that” by Lundy Bancroft, which is often recommended on mumsnet. I read it cover to cover in less than a day it was very useful in helping me understand and process things.

good luck OP.