Did a needy baby affect your relationship, and when did it improve?

[Goatscheese21]

If you had an incredibly needy baby… did your relationship with your husband / partner suffer and when did it improve / feel a little bit back to normal? Or maybe it never feels the same! I don’t mean in terms of feeling resentment towards husband, I don’t! I love him very much. Of course I’m jealous he sleeps more but I BF so there’s really not much he can do on week days.
Our baby contact sleeps and wants to be help nearly all the time so we co-sleep and during the day it’s on my chest. My husband is out at work 7-7. He helps with whatever he can (bath time) holds him as soon as he’s home etc but we literally do not have ANY time for each other anymore. We used to cuddle so much. But because we co-sleep and he can’t be put down we can’t even just sit on the sofa and have a cuddle

we kiss hello and he kisses me goodbye, but there’s no more cuddling because we co sleep, we’ve had sex three times since LO was born. We try and eat together but often baby doesn’t like to be in the bassinet so one of us carries him whilst the other eats. We’re like roommates now!

Does this improve as baby gets older? Am I being realistic when I’m thinking when he starts primary school it might get better? Because MAYbE, just maybe he’ll have a ‘bed time’ and we might get a couple hours in the evening to watch TV.

Basically looking for solidarity - I’m a FTM so if this is normal then great, and if not… does it get better?

Why is he put 7-7 with a new baby? Is that unavoidable or a choice?

How old is the baby? Keep putting him in the bassinet. is it next to your bed? Have your hand on him to get him to sleep. What exactly do you mean baby doesnt like it? If it is a bit if whimpering, leave him in it. Are you maybe reacting too fast?

Baby is 3 months so paternity leave is well over! 7-7 includes commute there and back… he’s taken a few weeks leave here and there which has been so helpful but we still didn’t manage to be ‘close’ to each other.

yes it’s a snuzpod that goes right up to the bed. When I transfer he wakes up, then cries. I try again and same thing. Then I just worry his cortisol levels will rise and it’ll take him longer to fall asleep so I just abort the mission but maybe that’s wrong and I should persevere?

Stop aborting the mission. You are sending the wrong message. And transfer before he is fully asleep.

It's really early days, OP!

Your baby is only 3 months old!

It will get better.

Having sex 3 times isn't bad-going, considering you're supposed to wait 6 weeks after giving birth. So that's like once a fortnight. OK it's probably nothing like before the baby, but it could be a lot worse 😂

Just be kind to each other and show affection in words and small touches as well. If you have family who might take the baby for a little while, spend some time together alone.

Don't worry, it's unlikely it'll continue like this until primary school! You're catastrophising there. It gets better when they start sleeping through. There will be ups and downs.

The first few months are hard OP. It will get better.

Don’t worry! 3 months is nothing. Our little one was okay until 4 months and then get very clingy, When he grew out of the next to me we got a cot and raised it to the same level as our bed and took the side off so it was basically an extension of the bed. It was against the wall so he couldn’t roll out or climb out of the other side. Then I used to rock to sleep or he would fall asleep on me and I would lie next to him and then extract myself. He was a horrid sleeper and woke up all the time. I night weaned (breastfed baby) at 21 months and from 22 months he has been in his own room. He still need support to fall asleep but he usually only wakes a couple of times per night. I remember worrying it would next get better but it did.

Thanks so much everyone… I think it’s because everyone’s been saying that once you make it past 12 weeks it gets ‘easier’ so I’ve probably been too hasty and optimistic in thinking things flip like a switch!

we do attempt the next to me crib transfers but he wakes up and then takes awhile to get to sleep so the co-sleeping is to ensure we all get rest but I’m so hoping he might naturally grow out of it… well he defo won’t be 15 and sleeping in my bed lol!

A needy baby? Aren't all babies needy. Your baby is 3 months old Op, it is masssssssive adjustment but I can hand on heart say it does get much easier in time. Yes your relationship will be affected , everybody's is. You have to find new ways to navigate it and communicate as best as possible. Many ups and downs ahead but the first year is a shit show!! Well was for us anyway. Mine are 4.5 and 16 months now and even though second baby was easier than first, the first year was HARD. And even now , still hard. 3 months is very very early days.