28 years old and never dated, been in a relationship or kissed before

[Foreveralone192]

Hello there So I am a 28 year old man who has never dated or even kissed a woman before let alone have sex. Growing up I was always very introverted and never really had many friends but I feel like time is running out now for me to start a family, All my work collegues have partners/families or talk about stories of them dating women but as time goes on I feel like its getting even harder because what woman would want a man who has never even kissed a woman at 28?

I have a mortgage, im educated, 6ft, athletic and go to the gym 3-4 times a week, I dont do drugs, I dont drink, I dont gamble, I have a good paying job, I have knowledge in a wide range of subjects but I can never get any attention or matches on dating apps. I have no friends now because they all moved on and started families. Both my parents and brother passed away so no family, I also really want sex and I know it might sound bad but its the truth. Im also awkward and possibly autistic as I've never been diagnosed.

But as I get older I just think I'll never have my own family or get married, most women my age are taken or have kids.

Online dating is mostly really shit. You need to get out there. That’s really difficult when you’re shy, so go for things you’re interested in. You’ve got some spare money so you can afford to get into some hobbies - you’re athletic so I recommend climbing. Those clubs are great and social if you find one with a decent adult learners group. But really, just join some clubs, talk to people there. Start building a social circle.

I think having a diagnosis can help because at least you can stop feeling bad about what you can't change about yourself, and you're able to seek accommodations and help other people understand you better.

I know my dc's ADHD diagnosis has helped him (although still on the wait list for medication etc) but at least he's no longer beating himself up for not being "normal".

OP says he has a decent income so he could go private.

I think it's more constructive than just throwing in "possibly autistic" but not doing anything to follow up on it.

You sound like a really lovely chap. You have been dealt a very unfair hand in life and that's a heck of a lot of trauma you have had to endure, in losing your family as well as your undiagnosed neurodivergence.

Have you tried engaging the services of a life coach? Lots of them operate all over the country and there will be one near you, they might be able to offer some insight on what there is for you to do to help you along?

I do believe that you're not alone, there are others in the same boat as you. Lovely, kind women that just haven't had much luck. You have to back yourself though, believe in yourself and find some confidence from somewhere, if you don't believe you're worth loving then who will? There is someone out there for you... you absolutely will find them.

Ask yourself whether you actually do want to meet someone, or whether it's just something you feel you should do to 'fit in' or not seem like the odd one out.

I think for a lot of introverted, shy people, you feel the pressure to meet someone - even if, deep down, you know it's probably not really for you. Remember, there's nothing wrong with being on your own at all - in many ways, it has many benefits to being in a relationship. More peace and freedom to do what you want, for a start. Relationships, particularly when they're new to you, add an awful lot of extra stress to your life. Some people are genuinely just happier by themselves, and maybe that's you?

Don't dwell on what you don't have or lack in comparison to others. It's important to be happy in yourself first, rather than focusing entirely on 'meeting someone' and feeling more and more miserable the longer that doesn't happen. Throw yourself into your passions and interests, and make those your focus. That's a much better approach than getting hooked to dating apps that prey on people's insecurities and loneliness.

Maybe try watching it so you see how life changing it is for some of the participants rather than making weird accusations about working for the production company that makes it?

Yes, it's a weird concept and totally cringe in parts but I've cried watching both series. The participants need help and watching them gain confidence as they get it isn't grim in the slightest.

The therapy course exists whether Channel 4 make a show about it or not. These are proffesionals helping people with deep rooted issues.

My adult step son is in this position. He is recently diagnosed with autism as we knew he was. He is very about what he can offer and what he wants-
eg 1 st class degree (no one cares) job (excellent but so does everyone else) money (he has really super large savings for a reason as he has a limited if not non existent social life) and he has hobbies - these are two of them and they are solitary and he will take AT you about them for hours. As he will about things he doesn’t like.

Despite our efforts he has a negative view of women. His mum died when he was younger after an entire adult life of caring for her autistic son going to a mainstream education so he sees women in two camps / mothers who stay home and look after the children or colleagues who he has absolutely no interest or relationships with.

He doesn’t drink so eventually co workers stopped asking him. He is very private - so how the hell do you build a friendship never mind a relationship.

He finally agreed to a diagnosis at 25 more he forced into it due to complaints about eye contact at work and stimming which was upsetting others.

He will talk at me. His step mother but he will not ask me about my day or if he does he ignores the answer and steam rolls on with his plan. We have to be very very blunt eg no stop listen to your sister’s answer. Now think how does she feel etc He too wants a wife and children. But women and your potential relationship you have to be friends first !!!

it is highly unlikely to happen for my step son although I will never say never. When a woman went off on maternity leave recently he refused to contribute to a gift (he is obsessed with saving money) and according to him he never gets a birthday card etc he even said to us it wasn’t fair that he had to do overtime whilst they replaced her for pushing a child out and then sitting at home with it (!!!!) we were shocked.
He will then make statements such as ‘I am going to call my son Jason if I have one’ when asked if his partner will get a say he replied ‘if she loved me she would let me name it after all I will be working for them’ etc the empathy chip is missing. Women are not brood mares or sex holes. They are people.

I would start with friendship with no absolutely no motive for a relationship or sex etc volunteering and something with animals eg my son is now volunteering at a local animal rescue to learn as much socially as he cans.

friendship also starts with you liking yourself and spending time with yourself. What are your good qualities - and what do you need to work on.
friendship
connections
counsellors - talk to the NAS
get a diagnosis too! If you can pay privately or right to choose.

Has this poster posted before then? It sounded familiar but I can’t see any previous threads