I don't know if I'm being precious, a control freak or jealous or if this behaviour would upset others as well. Mil is quite a dominant person and used to having her way. We always got along well and I'm quite easy going people pleasing so I didn't mind so much but for the last couple of years I struggle with how she takes over parenting when she comes to visit. It's nothing major. Just little things like telling the kids what to do (even if it is the opposite of what I asked them to do), taking them with her wherever she goes, getting involved in every decision, talking over me when I'm trying to explain something to the kids, trying to decide what they eat and how much they eat, what they do, how they behave, etc
It sounds stupid when I write it out but it's from morning to night. I don't get a minute on my own with them especially not with older dd (10). She will wake them or come to their room as soon as she hears they are up and then at night I practically have to shut the door on her so I can put them to bed. And she keeps wanting to take them out on her own especially older dd rather than toddler dd. I wouldn't mind but weekdays are so busy that on the weekends DH and me would like to spend time with the kids as well and all go out together. We never exclude her. In fact we organise our weekends so she can be involved in everything.
If I say no to something she will go straight to the kids and do it anyway or ask them though most of the time she does stuff before I can even do anything. It's hard to explain but basically when she is here she behaves like their parent.
She is worse with DH. In the sense she will overrule and disrespect him even more than me so it's not just targeted at me. Last time she kept bad mouthing DH in front of the kids but thankfully she isn't doing that this time.
She isn't a bad person. She is very helpful and generous. Always trying to help people and I think it upsets her a bit that DH and me don't actually want or need her help. I know she genuinely loves the kids. She just really wants to be in charge of the kids, be the number one person for them. She is used to being indispensable to people and in control.
I try to ignore it most of the time but it does upset me and I feel I get even less time with the kids when she is here. I also hate confrontation and don't want the kids to get pulled in different directions so I mostly let her get on. She starts off quite reasonable at the beginning of the visit but then as she spends more time with the kids she becomes more and more "parenty".
All in all she probably stays for about 3 months every year in two or three separate visits so it's not all the time. When she isn't here she will call every day and insist on talking to the kids. Sorry this is is so long. I was just really down today so maybe I'm just ranting but I'm also worried that this will get worse and worse as the kids get older and the kids will become less close to DH and me. Or am I just being paranoid and possessive?