I want to walk away from my life

[ineedhelpwithlife]

I’m really having a hard time at the moment. Husband is suffering from chronic pain and is miserable, talks about little else, always here, irritable and depressed. I do get it but it’s left me with an awful lot to deal with.

We have 2 young children and our five year old is extremely challenging. I feel like walking away from my own life sometimes. I just keep thinking I can’t manage another day like this. Any enjoyment from life has gone. Can anyone relate?

i know how you feel.

I wish I was a pigeon sometimes

Everything attacks and eats pigeons though don’t they? Maybe a cat …

Been feeling like this for about 5 years. Grumpy DH, tween/teen hell, zero enjoyment in life, treadmill of work/chores - but obviously I can’t, so onwards I trudge

As someone who suffers from chronic pain and worries about the effect it has on his wife I say leave, don’t hang around if you don’t want to out of pity.

I don’t even care if I’m eaten some days!

But seriously. Sorry life can be so bloody unfair and challenging. Lots of hugs to you

It isn’t out of pity. Life is hardly going to look better if I walk out and leave my suffering DH at the first sign of trouble! Nonetheless, it does really affect me and I can’t pretend it doesn’t.

Have you spoke to him about it? If it was me I’d want to do anything to make it easier for you, could you have some kind of respite from it? Like a mini holiday with friends or family every so often?

Me too, being a carer is so shit and it’s only going to keep getting worse.
If I’d known it would be like this, I’d never have got married, I hate my life but I made a commitment so I guess that’s how it goes sometimes.

There really is no good to be found from talking about it. Once you’ve said some things you can’t unsay them and it doesn’t clear the air, it can ruin things.

Just so down. Little one fell asleep at nursery yesterday so took ages going to sleep; asked him to read some stories to the older one and he couldn’t even manage that. Then by the time I am ready to do the older one’s bedtime I’m exhausted and lack patience. The children miss out so much.

I raised 2 kids whilst suffering with chronic pancreatitis, and frequently life threatening attacks (all caused by gallstone damage) and eventually had a huge pancreas surgery. I was constantly in pain and on high doses of fentanyl. But I still looked after my kids, their dad working overseas and no family within 250 miles, I had no choice. So yes he might be in pain, but he can’t manage to read a story? He is taking the P, he knows he can just use his health as a reason to get out of parenting / housework. I’d be wanting to walk away too, and I would as the resentment would eat away at me.

Please contact your local Carer's Centre for an adult carer support plan to be drafted so you can access support for yourself.

He hasn’t even been diagnosed with anything. I’m not caring for him anyway. Just doing everything else!

Why hasn't he been diagnosed? I suffer chronic pain and will for life, I have brought children up whilst in agony. I can't even remember how many doctors and consultants I have seen trying to be in the best condition possible for my children.
If he hasn't been diagnosed because he hasn't seen a medical professional I would give him a few weeks to get the ball rolling then walk away.

That's caring. You are doing it all and that is a form of caring.

I hear you. It truly sucks to live this life.

I don't want to be unsympathetic to him but it's hard to see how he couldn't even read a bedtime story when you're doing everything else.

What sort of pain is he in? Can he work does he manage hobbies? It's sounding a lot for you to manage

Because no one knows what the problem is. I wish I could say to you ‘DH suffers from X’ but I can’t. All we know is that he’s in agony.

He is continuing working for now but is trying to wfh as much as possible and this is bringing huge issues for me as I get no break from it. So much groaning and ‘oh Jesus’ and ‘ahh-hh!’ I know he can’t help it but it really gets to you!