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Relationships

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How the separate/divorce

3 replies

surreyhelp · 05/06/2026 01:00

Can anyone help me pleaseee? I need to leave my husband, he’s a narcissist and our relationship is toxic. We have 2 children together, 10 & 7. All we do is bicker/argue and generally make life miserable for everyone. The kids notice and that destroys my soul but my husband pretends everything is fine & life is great, he’s an only child, he’s very needy but also extremely nasty (child like nasty, along with unaccountable, “not me, not my fault”! I’m nowhere near perfect but I can’t baby him or keep tolerating this). when I try to talk about this, he denies it all, calls me “crazy” and tells me everything is perfect. He works away sometimes and when he does, life in our house is calm/normal/fun! If it wasn’t for hi working away I think I’d probably believe that I’m “crazy” and that everything is ok,but it’s not ok, it’s not ok that our kids hear all the arguments. How can I escape this toxicity, for all of us not just me. We own our house (mortgage) but what rights do we have (me & the kids) because my husband (kids dad) is happy for us to leave but I have nothing financially.

OP posts:
PersephoneParlormaid · 06/06/2026 06:59

Do you work?

category12 · 06/06/2026 07:26

If you're married, you have a claim on the marital assets: house, pensions etc.

Why would you be the one to leave the house? Don't leave the house without getting proper legal advice (unless he's violent).

(If he works away a lot and you're primary carer for the kids, it would make more sense for him to be the one to leave the family home while the divorce is sorted out, although obviously he's not going to think that.)

But get proper legal advice, because they generally advise to stay put if possible.

ohtokcry · 06/06/2026 07:33

Have a consultation with a solicitor; the initial consultation is free and gives you an idea of the process and costs
if you don’t work then what your long term plan? If you do then what can you afford mortgage wise?
Make sure you know his income and work out what maintenance would look like
Talk to friends and family too, you can do this! Keep your focus on how peaceful your future home will be

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