How often do you fall out with your partner?

[Xztop]

I've been with my partner 4 years and we've fallen out 4 times, each time he has run away and then come back within a week or sometimes a month. He has left me today because he says he 'can't take the drama' of our relationship. To add, it wasn't a shouting argument, it was him pissed off with me because I asked him to get me something from the top shelf while he was watching a film, leading to him sulking all week and me being on eggshells. There is no drip feed, thats literally all that happened.

Sounds like he was looking for an excuse to split up? Or he’s fifteen.

Please tell us you aren’t going to take him back.

That’s weird! Be glad he has run off and don’t let him back. Me and my husband bicker and have full on rows. He has never run away. I’ve walked off to cool down but I’m home within 10 minutes. Often I just go in the garden. To leave for a long period of time is odd and tbh the first time he did it I’d have not let him back in the house. Left his stuff on the door step and said I assumed you had ended it when I didn’t hear from you for a week.

Good god, I hope you're not going to take the abusive sulky twat back

Why do you keep taking him back? He sounds utterly pathetic.

In hindsight I should have ended it the first time he did it. Sadly we now own a house together.

he has run away and then come back within a week or sometimes a month

Sorry what? This is your human partner and not a cat you are referring to???

Where does he go? Does he have another partner? My now DH and I were rocky in the very early years, but not once did he walk out and stay elsewhere! It sounds like he has commitment or anger issues. I wouldn't be wanting to breed with him as he'd likely just disappear over something minor! I'd be seriously looking at what YOU get out of this relationship OP. Its not normal at all.

Just sell up, yes it will be stressful but your dp is an immature knob and he won't improve.
I've been married over 40 years, we bicker sometimes but neither of us has ever left. And more importantly we both acknowledge that we're (usually) equally to blame.

We are both nearly 50 which makes it worse! He had his own place until April, today he is staying at work accommodation.
He said that when he finishes work he likes to decompress and I didnt need the item at that precise moment. Which is true, I didn't but it's hardly a big deal. Well to everyone else but him it isn't!

we bicker fairly often and have bigger rows every now and again. i think it's healthy. i'm quite conflict-averse so i think it's a good sign that i don't feel anxious/unable to speak my mind.

neither of us would ever run away or hold a grudge like that. we have never had a lasting argument. we make up very easily usually after an hour or so.

Keep him gone. Hes a nightmare

Been married 36 years and have had our fair share of rows, especially in the early days bit we rarely fall out these days. Neither of us have ever left after an argument though - we might stay away from each other in the house for a bit to cool off and then apologise for getting heated and find a compromise/resolution.

Is he fifteen? This is ridiculous. Been with mine 19 years & only ever had one serious arugement in that time.

So a 50 year old man has run away from home four times in just a few years over petty disagreements? I’d be telling him not to come back because despite what anyone else does this is absolutely not normal!

If I’d interrupted DP for something, he’d do what I asked, and possibly sulk for 5mins before completely forgetting the non-incident that just occurred!

If you find yourself walking on eggshells, you need to put on them boots that are made for walking - and walk away.

Either that or kick him out - whichever is least disruptive.

He sounds weird. Dump and run.

Properly fallen out? About twice in 27 years.

We’ve never fallen out to the point that one of us has physically left like this!

If my husband walked out because of an argument, he might struggle to get back in. How puerile, how pathetic and manipulative.

Part of life is having disagreements now and then. Part of being an adult in a healthy relationship is being able to deal with that.

Sell the house and get rid of him. Just because you took him back the first, or second, or even the third time it doesn't mean you have to take him back the fourth time.

Call a couple of Estate Agents and start the process.

In 18 years, never to the extent that he has left for any period of time. We have never broken up or one of us disappeared or any silent treatment.

I can think of two actual serious disagreements we’ve ever had. One when we were dating that essentially had to do with him spending a lot of money on something completely stupid when we were about to go off travelling for 6 weeks, which pissed me off because it sort of implied I’d pay for more of our expenses when travelling and it made me mad. He returned the thing and got his money back and travelling went off without a hitch.

Second time had to do with disagreeing about going NC with a family member because they had put our dc very seriously in harm’s way. This was a much more serious argument and it became an ongoing conflict for several months. Dh eventually came round to understanding my position and it helped him deal with some of his own childhood trauma around this family member. We worked together and resolved it. We went NC with the family member with the expectation that they needed to get some help with their issues before we could have a relationship with them again. In the end, it all worked out (they did and we are no longer NC though we were for a few years).

We certainly annoy each other and we bicker or nag each other occasionally (but not regularly). But we truly don’t argue. Like never ever had a shouting name calling sort of angry fight. Not once in 18 years. I am quite fiery, but Dh is quite reasonable and he’s frankly hard to fight with because he’s so sensible and level headed.

It seems sensible to un own a house together.
This man is all for himself, not a partnership.

If by ‘fall out’ you mean a big argument with raised voices, I genuinely can only remember that happening about 4 or 5 times in 34 years of marriage. And even then it was still respectful - no name calling or anything awful like that. If we’re talking disagreement or upset over something, maybe a couple of times a year but that will be a ‘can we talk?” followed by a sit down and a calm discussion which leads to a resolution and a hug. We sometimes get a bit niggly over something (actually that’s usually me 😬 - menopausal!) but DH tends to carry on as usual until I’ve realised I’m being crabby and apologise to him whereupon I get a hug and a ‘that’s all right - are you ok?’

No one has ever packed bags and stormed off though! That’s extremely childish. And silent treatment for a week is utterly ridiculous. Why are you still with him?