Should I report an abusive ex to the police?

[PortobelloPlease]

I’m not sure where to start with this and it may be long.

Im a happily married 40 year old woman with 3 children and an incredible husband. I recently started some counselling for some medical trauma and have unearthed things about a past relationship which was abusive. My question is, should I report the abuse retrospectively (in case other women experience the same thing, with the same man as me), or should I let it go after all these years?

For context, my ex partner and I were together for 4 years, lived together and were engaged. We are both teachers (that’s how we met), and have similar creative interests. The problem is my ex would make me feel completely worthless on a daily basis: not at the start. To begin with, he was attentive and interested and very charismatic. Once I was hooked, he would gaslight me, made me feel so small I tried to disappear, and was always breaking things and punching walls and doors. He was the worst when he was drinking; every time we went to the pub he would pick a fight, get thrown out, or spend the night flirting with other women. Once when I admitted I was jealous, we started arguing and he openly laughed at me, pushed me into a parked car and left me crying in the street. The police were involved numerous times with him, but I never reported him. We had arguments at least every other day where he would smash things; one time he broke his own guitar in a fit of rage, then blamed me for making him so angry. I always wanted to talk things through to resolve them. This made him ever angrier and he would storm out, threatening to do various things, claiming it was all my fault. I was ignored regularly, and generally treated like a piece of rubbish. He always claimed our relationship was amazing because it was so up and down, and this was “exciting” for him.
It took me years to regain my confidence after we split (he left me two weeks before our wedding).
I’ve barely scratched the surface of the abuse, but that’s a general picture.

Should I report this man to the police for his abusive past, or should I let it go? How do I “get over” the abuse? It has certainly shaped my views of men and relationships. My husband is aware and is very supportive.

Have you thought of talking it through with a domestic abuse charity? It might help you get clarity on what you hope to achieve and what you can expect from the whole process. While it's admirable that you want to protect other women, you also need to be prepared for the feelings it could bring up for you and make sure that you have support in place. Would you want to take the complaint through to prosecution if the police/CPS thought there was a realistic prospect of a conviction? Would you be prepared to give evidence against him in court? How would you cope if he wasn't found guilty? These are all things that you would need to think through before reporting him I think.

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Other women may be safer if you report him, by safer I mean with a greater awareness that he is someone all women need to be avoid because he sounds like a loose cannon.

Jekyl and Hyde character, totally charming in the begining and controlling and viscious at the end, thank God you got out of that alive, there are some women who don't and that is another reason to report your ex, he is a danger to women.

You may also get closure by reporting him, because he deserves to suffer for the suffering he has caused you and possibly others.........He is a dangerous man and he has to be stopped.