Would you consider this a lie?

[tardiz]

Been together a while. Don't live together my choice but chat a lot and always update each other on out days etc.

Last week he messaged at 6.50 saying "relaxing day here - seeing (sister) for lunch tomorrow but that's it as im broke until tomorrow".

I messaged at 8 ish saying can we grab a quick face time and he responded "I'm at a gig - I'll come out".

We didn't face time. I felt he lied to me. He said he didn't as he told me where he was when I asked.

He said he didn't tell me because the front woman wore underwear (she doesn't- its an 80s leotard and he knows I dont care about things like that anyway).

We have had little lies in the past that have built up and made me feel like I was going crazy. To be honest I'm feeling like im starting to go a little that way now but he says he feels he didn't lie.

I'm very prepared to be told I'm overreacting for being upset by this but in my head if someone is prepared to lie about small things that really don't matter then they will lie about important things. We are both big music lovers and go to gigs solo, together and with friends but he has never hid one from me before.

WTF?

I would say this is all about proof, the latest ‘lie’ sounds fishy but he did tell you where he was, if he’s lied in the past and you know they where definitely lies then i would agree with your assumption that if the little lies come easy, big lies will come easier! Depends whether you can cope with that emotional trauma or not, being lied to constantly eventually leads to trust issues and resentment.

I don’t understand how he lied.

he said in a message he didn’t have plans

then a few days later he does have plans but they were presumably made after he sent the message?

Yes i would say he deliberately misled you: lying by omission.

Also his reason for not telling you about the gig was both demeaning to you and also demeaning to the front woman if the clothing she wore or didn't wear was his main interest in her.

It's not an open and honest relationship if he withholds information and is economical with the truth. If he has done this on this occasion you can be sure it won't be the first time

Whether he is lying because he is up to something nefarious, or whether he is just one of those men who needs to cast you as the disapproving mother and “get away with” lying about small things - life is too short for that shit. Trust is the absolute bedrock of any relationship. It’s basic. I’d throw him back.

It doesn’t matter op, this is a shambles whether he lied or not, this is not a good relationship

Sorry I tried updating. He messaged at 6.50pm saying no plans then 8pm that same evening when I asked to facetime told me he was at a gig.

He specifically said at 6.50 he had no plans. The gig was in a town an hour away. He knew he was going.

I’m my experience, little lies or being economical with the truth, expose bigger lies later on.

Lying or embellishing the truth sometimes becomes a habit.

No way would I put up with that. Six year olds lie, it’s playground stuff, not grown adults.

I find it strange that he would omit such a thing

I truly hate liars! Especially when it’s ridiculous lies like this - I prefer straight talking types of people (y I know many in mn cannot handle that sort) but he would give me the ick!

I mean he must have had plenty opportunity to tell you his upcoming plans ?

When did he buy the ticket - can he show you the receipt? Maybe he wasn’t going alone

I'm exactly the same. We have even had discussions surrounding this. I much prefer to be given all the information straight and be able to make my own mind up about things.

Something isn't sitting right with me. My gut is telling me there is more to this but I dont think I've got the energy to even try and find out

Thank you for all the responses x

Listen to your gut. Little lies lead to bigger lies and if you have your suspicions now you will find yourself always second guessing.

I'm with you, OP.

No such thing as a harmless white lie because whatever the lie is, it's damaging once discovered. And even without being discovered, it's still damaging but only one person is aware of it.