Should I take them?

[BluePenguin]

Ok my lst post was a bit of a rant, I've calmed down a bit and just want to ask a direct question.

Tomorow my mum wants me to take her and my grandma to the crematorium to take some flowers for her brother who died two years ago. The flowers that are there currently are dead.

I said no this morning. Number of reasons - one being that my mum completely ruined my sons karate tournament yesterday by nagging me constantly about going home and moaning that she was tired and bored. The day cost me over £30+ in petrol and I'm still very annoyed.

Another reason is that I have no petrol (because of yesterday)...I would normally put some in tomorow (pay day) but if I drive to cremitorium it will all be gone by wednesday and I can't afford to put any more in.

But I can't help feeling guilty, it's not like its a social visit and if I don't take them it will be weekend before he gets any new flowers. I'm just so angry about yesterday and the way people treat me in general lately part of me says I should still say no.

What should I do?

I'd take them as it is an anniversary and bite my tongue the whole time. Be brave and then come back on here and have a good moan about your Mum.

It's not at aniversary, its just that his own kids took some flowers for fathers day and they've all died now and need replacing.

They could do it at weekend when my aunt could take them or is that callous?

Not sure what I'd do then. I must admit I'm not good at confrontation so would probably do it and mutter under my breath the whole time.

Sorry - not very constructive advice, but didn't want you to go unanswered.

Just remember, this is an act of kindness. Kindness doesn't always come back in the form that you expect it to. But it does come back in some way or other. Either you want to be 'kind' and sacrifice whatever it means you have to sacrifice (be it petrol, time, venting your anger or whatever) - you could ask for 'some help' with petrol money... explain in a nice way why you find it difficult to run her there etc... (without the rant about the wasted karate day). You'll know he has fresh flowers, you'll feel better for having done the deed, they may help you with petrol money (they may not be able to) (I bet they will)..and you will feel better believe me. It goodwill, thats all it is. The rest is subliminal.

Perhaps this is a bad thing to say, but frankly I don't get flowers on graves. The person you're supposedly doing it for is not able to see and appreciate the state his grave is in. If you care about somebody you commemorate them in your heart, wherever you are. Dragging reluctant family members out at vast expense to lay fresh flowers on the grave is more keeping up appearances for the living. Like, "I respect my late brother more than you respect yours, I put fresh flowers on there EVERY week". Couldn't be doing with it. Waste of time, money and petrol. Speaking of which, if you're actually going to run out before pay-day, and you need the car for work/school runs/family emergencies, how about asking the old ladies to contribute to the cost of the trip?

... obviously Kally is much nicer than me!

Take them BUT ask for petrol money beforehand and fill up before you go to the crematorium.

Doing them a favour shouldn't mean you're out of pocket and unable to go out in your car if you need to.

No - I am with you on your opinion about flowers and running about for dead people. But I just didn't want to judge othe peoples values about dead people/flowers etc... Its the basic act of kindness that is being questioned here, about accomodating.