Military fiance walked out on our family

jayjambee · 2026-06-02T07:13:32+00:00

My fiance walked out on our family. We’re a military family and now we have no idea what to do. Anyone been here? Any advice? we have a firey relationship and we argue, but we also have amazing moments. He’s not present with our 1 year old, and felt on his first birthday. I don’t know to do.

peakygull · 02/06/2026 08:15

Are you in military housing?

Johnogroats · 02/06/2026 08:20

It might be worth posting in forces sweethearts. Sorry you are going through this. @mumsnet could you help relocating the thread as it seems this is a pretty specific situation?

peakygull · 02/06/2026 08:22

@Johnogroats it’s so dead over there it will likely not be responded to by many in a timely manner, better off being in active as it will be now.

Shinyandnew1 · 02/06/2026 08:24

What’s your housing situation-are both you and your fiance employed?

Johnogroats · 02/06/2026 08:27

peakygull · 02/06/2026 08:22

@Johnogroats it’s so dead over there it will likely not be responded to by many in a timely manner, better off being in active as it will be now.

Ok. To be fair, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen anything on it.

liamharha · 02/06/2026 08:32

Go and see the family support officer they will advise .

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 02/06/2026 08:33

To be honest, fiery isn’t healthy for a relationship. But I have no idea what happens about your accommodation, if it’s military.

Shinyandnew1 · 02/06/2026 23:18

If you want useful advice, @jayjambee, it would be helpful if you gave a bit more info.

Original poster

jayjambee · 03/06/2026 07:34

My fiance and I have been together 5 years. Loved together 4 and a bit on camp.

we have a one year old son. After an incredibly complex year of deployments and post partum depression/burnout, he finally came home 5 weeks ago.

we had an aweful 2 weeks holiday away from our son before we came home for his birthday party.

he decided on our sons birthday that he was done and asked us to go to my mums.

since then he’s text to end our relationship but then again to say he will allow us to come home to live in our army house, but only if we cohabit as separated. There is a huge list of rules to follow:

no sadness under any circumstances
no arguments
no people in our house socially or parties nobody can come to our home (friends more than romantic)

I don’t know what to do. I am devastated. I would fight tooth and nail to reconcile my family but he’s not interested.

OP posts:

Talltreesbythelake · 03/06/2026 07:43

How would you move on in that situation? No visitors? Even prisoners get visitors. It's over, so don't look to him for solutions. What does your family advise?

ChamonixMountainBum · 03/06/2026 07:45

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JustAnUdea · 03/06/2026 07:51

You need to speak to welfare.
If he is declaring the relationahip over... he needs to move out. You then get a few months grace before having to leave (unless you are also military). He goes into singles accomodation.

BigMommasHouse · 03/06/2026 07:51

Leave him and the home. It might be shit for a short time whilst you get sorted but your child and future self will thank you in the end. Thank your lucky stars that you did not marry him.

What you do now will sow the seeds of how your child regards adult relationships… how they treat others and expectations of how they ought to be treated.

Floppyearedlab · 03/06/2026 08:10

we have a firey relationship and we argue.

Not good. Is that really the environment you want a child growing up in?

Please say that you work and aren't financially dependent on him.

caringcarer · 03/06/2026 09:20

JustAnUdea · 03/06/2026 07:51

You need to speak to welfare.
If he is declaring the relationahip over... he needs to move out. You then get a few months grace before having to leave (unless you are also military). He goes into singles accomodation.

You would get 3 months to vacate Army accommodation with your DC.

Iwouldlikesomecake · 03/06/2026 10:18

Ok so there’s a few things here (also sorry this is happening to you, get on the UK forces wags groups on Facebook as you are sadly not alone and there’s a lot of people with good advice there).

You should move back with your child, and he needs to change his PSTAT and they will give him a room in the block. You get a 93 day cooling off period and then when that’s over I believe it’s another 93 days notice to vacate; you can use this to find somewhere else to live and if you are having trouble with this, your families officer or SSAFA may be able to help.

The reason he has a quarter at all if you are not married is because you are eligible as a family (not entitled) as you know. If he is no longer in that relationship then he can only apply for SFA if there’s an eligibility and there’s probably not, with a baby he’s not very involved with - he doesn’t get to live in a quarter on his own as a single man.

Also- start a UC claim as a single person if you aren’t working as you are able to do that too.

It makes you feel very vulnerable when your housing is tied to his job but you do have some rights here and certainly on the Facebook groups there are people more knowledgeable than me!

peakygull · 03/06/2026 11:08

He’s being a twat. He knows he wouldn’t be eligible for the house without you…he’s trying to have his cake and eat it.

Shinyandnew1 · 03/06/2026 14:05

Iwouldlikesomecake · 03/06/2026 10:18

Ok so there’s a few things here (also sorry this is happening to you, get on the UK forces wags groups on Facebook as you are sadly not alone and there’s a lot of people with good advice there).

You should move back with your child, and he needs to change his PSTAT and they will give him a room in the block. You get a 93 day cooling off period and then when that’s over I believe it’s another 93 days notice to vacate; you can use this to find somewhere else to live and if you are having trouble with this, your families officer or SSAFA may be able to help.

The reason he has a quarter at all if you are not married is because you are eligible as a family (not entitled) as you know. If he is no longer in that relationship then he can only apply for SFA if there’s an eligibility and there’s probably not, with a baby he’s not very involved with - he doesn’t get to live in a quarter on his own as a single man.

Also- start a UC claim as a single person if you aren’t working as you are able to do that too.

It makes you feel very vulnerable when your housing is tied to his job but you do have some rights here and certainly on the Facebook groups there are people more knowledgeable than me!

This sounds like really good advice.

Original poster

jayjambee · 03/06/2026 19:48

Yes we are

OP posts:

Shinyandnew1 · 04/06/2026 08:46

jayjambee · 03/06/2026 19:48

Yes we are

Yes we are what?

Who are you replying to here?

Original poster

jayjambee · 04/06/2026 11:09

Thank you. We will set up a meeting with welfare.

my fear is he just needs time and when we start to fight to come home it will escalate. Make things worse.

OP posts:

Shinyandnew1 · 04/06/2026 13:09

You won’t need to ‘fight to come home’ if you don’t leave.

Or have you already moved out?

Sashya · 04/06/2026 13:25

Your brief description of your relationship is all red flags. This man is not ready for a family - he clearly can't manage his job and being in a relationship.
You have a small child - you need to think about how you'll be raising him. And that won't be together with your son's father.

Go to your parents and re-group. Apply for benefits and start thinking about how to organise your life as a single mother. It won't be easy, but it is not impossible.