Finally divorcing abusive husband, how to handle possible drama?

[Felic876]

I separated from my husband 8 months ago and moved out. We have had no contact for the last 6 months. We have no children and were married for 4 years.

The marriage was abusive. I was repeatedly thrown out of the house, physically pushed and shoved (though never seriously attacked), had things thrown, and experienced a lot of emotional and verbal abuse, belittling, and controlling behaviour. Full of manipulation, gaslighting and threats of harming himself.

When I tried to arrange collecting my belongings a few months ago after I said I wanted a divorce and was tired of the cycle of him throwing me out, he repeatedly changed the dates and made it difficult. I only asked permission because I wanted to avoid conflict. In the end, he randomly dropped my belongings off where I was staying and demanded the keys of me. Which I gave.

At the time, he said he couldn't wait to sign the divorce papers, was happy to see the back of me, and wanted the marriage over. However, he also said he would never agree to any financial orders. I don't want anything from him financially, but I do want the finances formally dealt with alongside the divorce so everything is legally finalised.

My solicitor is filing the divorce paperwork this week. I didn’t file earlier as I was trying to get myself emotionally ready and now I feel it’s the time. I know nobody can predict exactly how someone will react, but based on your experiences, what sort of responses have you seen from ex-partners in similar situations? How did you handle it?

I have no intention of seeing him or communicating directly, but after 6 months of peace and no contact, I'm dreading the possibility of drama once the papers are served.

He certainly sounds like he has the potential to be difficult. Is the house jointly owned? Will he buy you out or will it have to be sold? If I were you, I would block his number so he can't call or text you and let all communication go through solicitors. Be prepared for him to drag it out and keep reminding yourself that this is the difficult bit and once it's over, you're free of him forever. If he turns up at your house or attempts to harass you in any way, report him to the police.

Thank you for replying. He owns it and always paid the mortgage.

4 years married
no kids
unless finances are very complicated - this should be a quick dry divorce.
do you rate your solicitor?

You will be entitled to very little presuming you work? Married just 4 years, no kids and presuming both in full time work. It’ll be a clean break

He has made no attempt to contact you for 6 months. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s met someone else. I would be confident this will be dealt with swiftly and minimal drama

Yeah, I didn’t want anything from him. I just wanted to ensure there’s a legally binding document such as clean break order. We do work FT.
My only issue is he did say last time that he won’t be agreeing to any financial orders (even tho I’m not claiming anything).

But hopefully he’s changed his mind now

Thank goodness you have no children with this man.

Let your solicitor deal with everything OP. Block him on everything and just communicate through lawyers. It’s more expensive but IMO it will be worth every penny not to be re traumatised by this “man”.

If he shows up at your house get video evidence and report to police for harassment and speak to your solicitor about what else you can do to protect yourself.

At the end of the day, it’s a short marriage, you’ll be owed very little and it should be a simple matter. If he drags it out then you’ll deal with it.

If you want a quick deal, instruct your solicitor to say no money will be required from him provided he cooperates quickly and efficiently with paperwork.

The filing for divorce is really easy. You don’t really need a solicitor for that bit.

You file for divorce - which is a very simple online form. You have pay money - around £500ish. Then there is a cooling off period.

You then apply for the interim order but I was advised not to do that until we were close to getting the consent order (I think that’s what it’s called - that’s the financial agreement) because once you have filed for the interim order on the divorce, once a period of time has passed they could then apply for the final order (what used to be decree absolut).

So my advice would be to file for divorce yourself if it’s not too late, and save money, use your solicitor for advice about the finances.

If he does lose it when the papers are served, just be ready to go ‘grey rock’ on him. Don’t communicate directly, send all communications through your solicitor.

I filed for divorce one Monday in July 2012. Haven't seen /heard from him since the night before then.. No dc.. No assets.
Cost me 500 ish.
Well rid.

Depends on his pension pot

Im sure you know but, there are three phases. If you only did the first you are not yet divorced. I’m sure you know but thought I should say just in case.

I did not want or ask for money from him, and I have my divorce. I do not have a clean break order as I knew my abusive/narcissistic ex would use the opportunity to make things difficult. I took my chances and decided not to get one. He has a lot more money than me, so has much more to lose than I do without a clean break order. Without one, the divorce will come through easily enough.

It certainly doesn’t when it’s just a 4 year marriage and both work and no kids @UpDownAllAround1