Feeling invisible, can I join dating apps but not date?

[CatsAreUs]

This might sound a bit odd, but would it be wrong to join a dating app purely for conversation and a bit of male attention?

I’m a single mum and I’ve been single for years now. Lately I’ve been feeling quite invisible and, if I’m honest, a bit left on the shelf. I think most people like to feel attractive and wanted from time to time.

I’m not looking for a relationship or even to date right now, but I do miss chatting, flirting a little, and having that connection with men. If I were completely upfront about my intentions, would it be unfair to join a dating app just for that?

Has anyone else done this, or would I be wasting people’s time? Like I said I’d be totally honest about only looking to chat.

I think it would be a waste of time tbh.

Men are only going to chat with you on those sites if you might date them (or I suppose send nude photos or something like that). They are not going to want to chat with you and give you the attention you are seeking if they genuinely believe it will go nowhere.

Really I hear loads of women complaining men are on for the same reasons, so at least I will be up front im only wanting to chat

I think that’s fine as long as you tell them straightaway. Or maybe in your profile? How about looking for men from somewhere too far away to date anyway? Men with no profile pictures? There’s lots of lonely people out there.

I got a friend from a dating app. We chatted for ages, never arranged to meet and randomly bumped into him on a night out. We've been for drinks a few times now but not dates. Just mates

It will be on my profile, good idea about the long distance thing! Thanks

That would be ideal, I use to talk to loads of men online before having children but that was through social media which I don’t use anymore, just friends but was nice to chat to men

Some websites have a thing where you do your profile and you can say whether you want friendship/relationship/female or male friends etc so you check the box on what you're looking for. Lots of dating websites assume you're looking for sex so just find the one that suits you.

I chatted to a man that I ‘met’ on Plenty of Fish for about three years. We moved to Kik, and it only stopped because the laws changed re using ID to log onto those sites and I didn’t want to do that.

There were a couple of men from Reddit over the years too. Just chat, nothing sexual, and no desire to meet.

Yeah I’ve heard of bumble bff and stuff but I’m not looking for female friends

I think there’s lots of things that feel wrong about this:

It feels deceptive
You can “chat to men” in contexts that aren’t dating apps
Feeling the need to get an ego-boost from online attention from men

It just seems a bit desperate really. My advice is to concentrate on your career and get your confidence from something more solid.

It’s not deceptive if it’s on your profile

It’s not deceptive if it’s on your profile

But no man registers for a dating app to flirt. They won’t believe you.

I mean, some do 🤷‍♀️.

Same as women, some aren’t in a position to actually go through with meeting someone - ill, busy, scared, overwhelmed, anything. If you are upfront with it then what’s the issue? It’s like a penpal. Those who want to meet a woman won’t do it, it’ll feel weird to them, or pointless. Those who do will feel ‘oh that sounds low level and safe, zero real life effort’. What’s wrong with that?

As long as everyone is upfront and honest and not hurting anyone then I don’t have a problem with whatever people want to do together. Want to meet and have sex within two minutes of meeting? Do it. Want to meet and compare knitting tension? Do it. Want to never meet? Do it. Well, ‘don’t do it’ if you see what I mean 🤣.

Some definitely do. Generally called time-wasters when they're not upfront about it: they just chat away with no real intention of meeting. Some people are happy with an online only connection.

And if they don't believe OP when she tells them all she's after is something online, surely that's their problem, not hers?

Men definitely sign up to dating apps with no intention of meeting - but aren't upfront about it. But they'll assume you want to sext and ask for explicit pictures.

Join it. Open your mind to you might just meet someone great. Take things slowly and enjoy the chat.
if you meet the right person you’ll want to meet them, but see no harm in keeping it at the chat stage for a very long time.

I dont think men are there just to chat. The truth is they just don’t like the person they are chatting to enough to meet them.

Bumble BFF also has Males looking for friendships on there.

I joined and was looking to extend my social circle a bit. That might be a good option.

There are plenty of men on dating apps who have no desire to meet women in real life.....you only have to read the dating thread on here to read about the time wasters etc....
I think you just need to consider why they only want to chat and not meet....mostly its because they aren't single and just want more attention....if you are ok with flirting with one of these types of men then go for it!

Personally I think its pretty soulless flirting and getting attention from a total stranger....cant see how it would make you feel good. Are you sure you cant just join social clubs online groups etc to do with things your interested in? I was a single parent for 5 years i understand it can be lonely but I think you need another outlet i doubt youll find a male mate on a dating site that just wants to chat and flirting long term, you'll have no trouble finding them but most will want to turn it into something else (pics, sexual talk etc) and you'll be talking to new people quite a lot which can be pretty draining on your energy and time

Bumble has a friends option. Or used it

No I have my kids full time which is why I’m not looking to date right now

Thanks all I will give it a go and just be upfront about it

Dating apps are grim, honestly the type of interactions you will have on there don’t tend to be ego boosts. I find the way men as a whole conduct themselves on them to be an absolute turn off.

if you’re only interested in complements on your appearance etc then you will be fine as that’s all most have to say for themselves anyway 😂 my opinion is though their views are cheap and it’s a total waste of time and energy you could invest elsewhere.

I don't agree it's soulless, I have a mate who got to know a couple of guys from a dating site and they've had online friendships for years. There might have been flirting and sexting to start with, but it settled into decades of friendship.

That’s really nice to hear a positive.

It would only be to pass the time in the evenings when I have nothing better to do anyway! Might even find it funny, I’ve got thick skin so I’m not easily offended.