Husband read my WhatsApp

[IndigoBabble]

DD was on the phone to us on speaker. I needed to pop to the loo so handed phone over to him to continue the chat, came back on and see him scrolling through my WhatsApp chat with my friend. Friend happens to be the one I have a whinge about him to as her husband is similar. He didn’t see much before I twigged and said why are you reading that but he saw her asking how he’s been and I said something along the lines of he was arsey with me yesterday but then explained why I had deserved it as I had been short tempered due to stress of various things going on in my life at the moment. He’s now gone to bed and is clearly annoyed at me. Am it the arsehole here it should he have not been looking at personal messages?

Probably not a good idea to slag off your husband on your phone and then hand the phone to your husband

Fair! I asked for feedback

He didn’t have to read it though!

No and that’s the issue. It was just a joint moan about life stuff with a friend going through similar shitty stuff.

Wow...what a dick, don't give him your phone again, what an absolute invasion of privacy!

and don’t most people have a friend they offload to I a safe space?

Thanks. That was my thought too. It wasn’t that bad just me having a rant with a friend as we have history of big rows etc

He’s a dick.

yes, everyone needs someone to offload to. He’s an arse to have read your messages. I can see why you need to offload! hopefully he will be less of a dick tomorrow.

I honestly don't know if I could look at him in the same way!

My trust in him would be broken

I hate this.

I've never snooped through anyone's phone, including my partner's. He did read mine years ago when we'd been together about a year, and my ex started texting, asking to get back with me. My partner was aware of the ex, and was always wary of him. I didn't say anything untoward about my partner in the messages, and didn't want the guy back, so it was all good stuff, but he was heartbroken and thought I was going to leave him.

It was a long time ago and I see why he did it, and he never did it again. If he did it today I'd be fuming. I'm not sure I could forgive it.

WhatsApp is not a safe space if you share your phone!

I think a verbal conversation is where you vent these things. Once it’s committed to text there’s a risk it will be more widely read than you intended, and I’d find it very hard to get over if a trusted partner was sending disgruntled messages about me. Even if it’s a fleeting thought, it’s on permanent record.

I've never snooped through anyone else's phone; but then neither have I slagged my OH off to anyone else.

Ok. That’s fair. Appreciate all of your views.

But to be fair all I said was he was a bit arsey with me but said it was fair enough as I had been short tempered (due to stress of a levels for youngest who has ASD, my mum recently being diagnosed with cancer, my beloved cat needing to be put to sleep). But yeah I get it about not slagging off a partner but my friend and I have some
shared experiences in these things

I wouldn't be pleased if I looked at my DH's phone and saw he had been dissing me to one of his friends. I would be hurt. I trust him not to bad mouth me and I don't talk negatively about him. I don't look at his phone in a checking up way but I do look for things I need on it. Like if I need info from an email from Sky or something like that. I wouldn't care if he looked at my phone.

Venting to a friend is fine. It gets it off your chest so you can move on. Better to vent and let off steam and work it out in your mind that way than explode at him directly. Just tell him that’s what women do. You could bring it all to him more often instead of getting it off your chest to a bff if he wants to argue more and be nagged more. Men should know women have girl talk about them.

Snooping on your partner's phone is shitty behaviour, especially as you just handed it to him to continue a chat, so you trust him not to snoop on the sly. Does he open your mail as well?? Lack of trust IMO.

imagine the uproar if the roles were reversed

double standards

He’s allowed to be upset. He probably didn’t realise you vent to someone about it and it came as a not-very-nice shock.

If he’s a decent guy generally, I’d talk it out and explain. He needs to understand you have a friend you vent to. You need to understand that if you don’t want him to see your messages don’t hand him your phone.

Overall though you both need to grow up a bit.

Thanks for your comments. Appreciate your honest views.

Not okay to read your messages but they might have popped up. We all have whinges about our DPs with our friends. I made the mistake of sending a whinge to him instead of to her once. Luckily we discussed the issue I was whinging about rather than making it about the fact that I whinged to a friend.

I'm very very against people going through their partners messages. Personally, I'd find the invasion of privacy a worse betrayal than if DP cheated.

However, you handed him a hell of a temptation OP. Presumably, your call with DD was on Whatsapp. So he hung up, he'll have been presented with the conversations list and will have been able to see the first line of the most recent message in each convo. If one of them was something like "God, Vimes has been such a dickhead.....", I think I'd have a hard time resisting.